1 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:30,214 Can you believe that? A musical version of "Sweet Bird of Youth." 2 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,467 - Who are they kidding? - Thank God, you wanted to leave. 3 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:37,262 Can you believe Madeline Ashton? Talk about waking the dead. 4 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,848 I gotta get a drink. 5 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:56,073 What do I see 6 00:01:56,116 --> 00:02:01,662 That's the question I'm most afraid of 7 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:11,213 One that asks me what I'm really made of 8 00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:17,219 What do I see 9 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:23,559 Much more than a reflection 10 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:31,483 A romance with sheer perfection 11 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:36,738 I see me I see me 12 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:40,492 Actress, woman star and lover 13 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:44,997 Sister, sweetheart slave and mother 14 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,832 I see me 15 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,834 And I like what I see 16 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:52,462 Virgin, temptress dream of others 17 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:58,969 Yes, it's me 18 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:08,604 - We see you - You mean me 19 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:12,316 Idol, goddess shameless hussy 20 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:16,820 Diva, princess lewd and lusty 21 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,616 She's sensational. 22 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:11,333 That's not me Can't be me 23 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,836 - Angel devil - You can trust me 24 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,714 Mon ami 25 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,008 I see 26 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,140 Whoo-whoo 27 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,689 Everywhere I look, baby all I see is 28 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,607 - A contradiction - Oh, come on 29 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,359 - A bad addiction - Knock it off 30 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:41,196 - Inspiration to a generation - Now you're talkin' 31 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,782 That's you 32 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:50,372 That's me 33 00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,669 Wow! 34 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,463 Oh, boy! 35 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:03,343 Whoo! 36 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:08,932 Wrinkled, wrinkled little star... 37 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:12,728 hope they never see the scars. 38 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,069 Your guests are here, Mess Ashton. 39 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,864 A Mess Helen Sharp with a gentleman. 40 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:27,242 - Ahh. How's she look? - Who? 41 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,745 Helen, you idiot. 42 00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:32,497 I don't know. Smart, I guess, sort of classy. 43 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,292 Classy? Really? Compared to whom? 44 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:39,713 Oh, shit. 45 00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:58,273 Mad! 46 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,859 Hel! 47 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:06,406 - I don't believe it. - How are you? 48 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,533 - It's been so long. - I know. 49 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,536 Don't you dare say how long. 50 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,748 Mad, I'd like you to meet... 51 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,417 Dr. Ernest Menville, my fiance. 52 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,586 You were just wonderful. 53 00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:22,464 Ernest Menville? Dr. Ernest Menville, the plastic surgeon? 54 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:26,802 - Yes. You were so terrific! - Ernest is quite a fan. 55 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,638 - I've read all about you. - That dance number. Boy, oh, boy. 56 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:33,183 - I can't believe I'm meeting you. - He never mentioned a Madeline thing. 57 00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:38,313 - We're both huge fans. - I'm sure he doesn't have a... thing. 58 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,441 Do you? 59 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:47,072 Well, I'm so happy for you... both. 60 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:51,118 What ever happened to that, um, writing thing? 61 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:55,247 - Oh, well, um, I'm still trying. - Helen, don't be modest. 62 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:59,793 - She's a brilliant writer, Mrs. Ashton. - Mess. 63 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,295 Tell me, Doctor... 64 00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:05,715 do you think that I'm starting to need you? 65 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,929 So... 66 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,516 have you two set a date? 67 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,893 - Yes... we have. - No, actually... 68 00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:22,357 We see the upper eyelid skin incision... 69 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,902 from the medial canthus to the lateral orbital margin. 70 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,072 There are two fat compartments in the upper eyelid, three in the lower. 71 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,783 Oops. Look at all this bleeding. 72 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:36,163 Needle-tip cautery. Quickly, please. 73 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:45,130 For heaven's sake, Helen, it was a dinner. 74 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,799 The woman wanted my professional opinion. 75 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:51,178 Ernest, you don't know Madeline the way I do. 76 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:54,890 She wants you. She wants you because you're mine. 77 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,434 I've lost men to her before. 78 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:01,521 She just turns on that flash and that glitter and they're gone. 79 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,649 That's why I wanted you to meet her before we got married. 80 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:09,529 I just had to see if you could pass the Madeline Ashton test. 81 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:13,158 Please... Please, don't fail. 82 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:17,287 I couldn't take it again. 83 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,956 I don't know what I'd do. 84 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:24,252 Do you know how silly you're sounding? 85 00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,672 Oh, darling, 86 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:32,219 I have absolutely no interest in Madeline Ashton. 87 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:55,635 Mrs. Helen Sharp? It's your landlord. Open the door, please. 88 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,638 I know you're in there! 89 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:01,558 I have your final eviction notice. 90 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,685 If you don't come out, 91 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:08,064 - I'm going to break the door. - What are you doing here? 92 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:11,484 I have the police. If you don't open, we're going to break the door. 93 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:16,406 - Well, speak! - I'm going to charge you for it too. 94 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:21,286 - Lady, let's go. - You heard what he said. 95 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:30,128 You're in trouble. 96 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:34,466 Come on. Open it! 97 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:52,734 Lady, listen. You have the right to remain silent. 98 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,236 If you give up the right to remain silent... 99 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:58,406 Are you nuts? 100 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,784 Come on. Get her outta here! 101 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,036 So... 102 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,208 what about you, Helen? 103 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:12,170 We haven't heard from you in a while. 104 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:15,382 Is there anything... 105 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:19,386 you'd like to... talk about... with the group? 106 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,144 Yes. 107 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:36,361 I would like to talk about... 108 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:39,656 Madeline... 109 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,157 Ashton. 110 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,410 Stop! Stop it! Stop! 111 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:46,287 No! No! 112 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,379 Is this where we are, Helen? 113 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:57,799 Six months of therapy. You're not one pound lighter. 114 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,802 And we are still talking about Madeline Ashton! 115 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,639 - You think I enjoy talking about her? - Do you think I enjoy it? 116 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,726 Is that what you think? You better think again! 117 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:12,397 Oh, Helen, for you to have a life, 118 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:15,900 for any of us to have a life, 119 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,069 you have got to forget about her. 120 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,530 You have to erase her from your mend. 121 00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:24,325 - You have to completely eliminate any... - What? 122 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,412 You have to completely eliminate... 123 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,998 You're right. 124 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,416 What? 125 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:35,295 You're absolutely right. 126 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,482 Yes? 127 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:59,402 I have a delivery for Madeline Ashton and Dr. Ernest Menville. 128 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,981 Good morning, madam. 129 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:40,944 You look absolutely marvelous. 130 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,404 Hey, wait a minute. 131 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,950 Aren't you forgetting something? 132 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:50,161 - It's only Thursday. I'm supposed to... - Never mend. 133 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,331 I think I need you to say it every morning. 134 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,583 Very well. 135 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:58,127 Oh, madam, you look younger every day. 136 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:01,965 Thank you, Rose. Thank you very much. 137 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,175 It's so sweet... What is this? 138 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:08,555 Your tickets for Helen Sharp's book party. 139 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,432 They just came. 140 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,853 Helen Sharp's book party! 141 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:17,856 - "Forever Young"? - I like that title. 142 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:24,279 Oh, forever young! Right. 143 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:27,365 And eternally fat! 144 00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:32,078 Oh, clever little witch. She sent seating assignments. 145 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,915 I find it very hard to believe... 146 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:39,878 that he got up early and made his side of the bed. 147 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:44,340 - No, madam. - So where did he sleep? 148 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,509 Again? 149 00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:52,807 The beaver has always been of interest to man. 150 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:58,187 It is the second largest rodent in the world. 151 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:11,993 Dr. Menville? 152 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,248 Is this an angel I see before me? 153 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:21,878 - Dr. Menville, you're so cute. - Thank you, Rose. 154 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:30,720 Oh! 155 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,598 More vodka. 156 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,851 An outstanding characteristic of a beaver... 157 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:40,521 is the large, flat tail. 158 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:51,115 - Is it up yet? - Yes, ser. 159 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,952 It's in the bath. 160 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:58,581 Your beeper was beeping. It's Mr. Franklin again. 161 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,053 Rose! Oh, it's you. 162 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,764 Fine, dear, thank you. Like a rock. 163 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:17,058 You're dressed. Special occasion? 164 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,977 - Work. - Ghoul! 165 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,146 Dr. Menville, thank God. 166 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:25,817 - I'm sorry to call at the last minute. - Yes. 167 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:30,405 He's completely prepped. Our top staff have been summoned and are waiting. 168 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,824 Good, I'm sure he'll be fine. Just calm down. 169 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,285 Calm? I am calm. Everyone is calm here. 170 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,871 - Who is it? - Fernando Rivas, the actor. 171 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:43,167 He drowned in his hot tub. Very bloated, very swollen. 172 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:46,379 He was making love to his new fiancee. 173 00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,632 Eighteen years old, from Cuba. 174 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:52,427 He's got this expression of happiness that is completely inappropriate. 175 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:56,764 Thank you, Mr. Franklin, we'll see if we can't give him a little character, 176 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,474 a little depth. 177 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:04,063 Depth? Oh, no, Dr. Menville, you can't give him any character or depth. 178 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:07,191 People have to recognize him. 179 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:11,154 - Good afternoon, Mess Ashton. - 3:00 with Anna. 180 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,281 Yes, I know. You may go down. 181 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:23,541 Mess Ashton, how are you? So good to see you! 182 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:27,670 Listen, I've got a really important party tonight. 183 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:31,007 Really important. You understand? 184 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,677 You well be the best one! 185 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,346 I have to be better than that. 186 00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,599 I am sorry, but the plasma separation... 187 00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,226 is a very traumatic process to the body! 188 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:44,854 Our policy clearly prohibits... 189 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,899 more than one in a six-month period. 190 00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:50,443 So? It's been nearly that long already. 191 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:55,073 Mess Ashton, you had one three weeks ago. 192 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,618 - How about a nice collagen buff? - "A collagen buff"? 193 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,996 You might as well ask me to wash with soap and water! 194 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,834 Tonight is very important to me. 195 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,755 - I could do your makeup myself. - Makeup is pointless! 196 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,549 It does nothing anymore. 197 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,885 Are you listening to me? Do you even care? 198 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,305 You stand there with your 22-year-old skin and your tits like rocks... 199 00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:22,141 and laugh at me. 200 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,067 Mmm. 201 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,403 I could pay you extra. 202 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:39,242 Something... on a personal bases. 203 00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:42,120 You know what I mean? How about that? 204 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:45,164 Money is no object. It means nothing to me. 205 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,625 Ahem. 206 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:51,462 I'm sorry, Mr. Chagall. I'm really, really sorry. 207 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,382 Anna, don't talk, just go away. 208 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,884 Leave us alone, mmm? 209 00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,096 - I don't want to look at you anymore. - Oh, okay. 210 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,306 Thank you so much. 211 00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,769 Please. 212 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,399 - I suppose I should apologize. - Oh, no, no. 213 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:16,112 I am very sensitive to your torment. 214 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:19,532 - Excuse me? - But unfortunately we are mere mortals. 215 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:24,954 We are restricted by the... laws of nature. 216 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,040 Well, what more could one expect? 217 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,002 Mmm, mmm, that depends. 218 00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:36,507 I could not help but overhear your little joke about money being no object. 219 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,510 - That was no joke! - I see. 220 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,223 I wonder, Mess Ashton, 221 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:48,394 if perhaps you have ever heard of... 222 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,523 Lisle Von Rhuman? 223 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,193 Ah... no. 224 00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:58,196 No, of course you haven't. Very few have. 225 00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,364 Only a select group. 226 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:03,367 She may be able to help you. 227 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,996 Here is her address. 228 00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:10,708 She accepts callers day... and night. 229 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,168 Eh... 230 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:16,631 It is a very, very select group, you understand? 231 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,050 Sure. 232 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:25,348 I'm glad this happened, Mess Ashton. 233 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:29,810 We shall be seeing more of you, I think. 234 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,938 Yes, I think so. 235 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,613 Weirdo. 236 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,831 Could you just not breathe? 237 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,928 Jesus, what'd she do? Here extras? 238 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,930 Good evening. 239 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,602 Evian, please. No ice. 240 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,189 - Dr. Menville? - Yes. 241 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:18,150 - Ernest Menville? - Yes. 242 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:22,530 - He, I'm Vivian Adams. - He, h-h-have we met? 243 00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,949 Long ago. I never had a chance to thank you... 244 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:30,288 for the spectacular job you did with my Aunt Esther. 245 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:32,790 Oh, well, thank you very much. 246 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:35,543 Her color, her tone. 247 00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:39,672 - You even brought out her cheekbones. - Well, that's my job. 248 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:42,466 It was almost a shame to bury her. 249 00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,802 It's so sweet of you to say that. 250 00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,763 Can I ask you what your secret is? 251 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,974 Spray paint. 252 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:55,896 You see, you can't just use regular makeup on dead skin. 253 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,940 The pores are too dry. 254 00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,985 You've gotta use a palette and grind the stuff in. 255 00:22:01,069 --> 00:22:04,530 One day I'm in the hardware store and I think, "What about mannequin paint?" 256 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:09,410 It's got its own chemical adhesive, comes in a variety of flesh... 257 00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:13,372 Excuse me! 258 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,515 Have you seen her yet? 259 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:35,770 What a joke. She's not even here. 260 00:22:37,522 --> 00:22:41,650 - Oh, look over there. - Wh... 261 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:46,364 Oh, looks as though she's lost a few pounds! 262 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:55,331 - We're leaving. - Nonsense. Let's go talk to her. 263 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:59,543 No. I'll talk to her. 264 00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:05,591 I just want you to know that I am at your disposal. 265 00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:09,011 You can call me day or night. 266 00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,722 I did give you all my numbers? 267 00:23:25,153 --> 00:23:26,487 Mad? 268 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:29,407 Hel! 269 00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:39,041 I don't believe it! 270 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:44,422 Helen, darling, 12 years! 12 long years! 271 00:23:44,464 --> 00:23:47,800 And look at you, you have a... waist. 272 00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:51,095 Oh, you haven't changed. 273 00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:54,306 Gosh, I'm glad you came. I didn't know if you would. 274 00:23:54,349 --> 00:23:56,767 I spoke to my P.R. Woman and she said, 275 00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:59,812 "Madeline Ashton goes to the opening of an envelope." 276 00:23:59,896 --> 00:24:02,648 Those people can be so cruel. 277 00:24:02,732 --> 00:24:06,026 I fired her. Well, I almost fired her. 278 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,404 Well, that was sweet of you, dear. 279 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,573 - Would you mend? - Not at all. 280 00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:15,202 - So, how's it been? - Heaven, it's absolute heaven. 281 00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:18,247 - Ernest is a dream. - I'm so happy for you both. 282 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:21,167 I often thought to myself "I don't deserve this"... 283 00:24:21,251 --> 00:24:24,336 because it came at your expense. 284 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:27,965 And that thought made me feel... terrible. 285 00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:31,302 Listen, that was a long time ago. 286 00:24:31,386 --> 00:24:35,639 You didn't steal him. He went to you. 287 00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:38,809 It wasn't you. It was him. 288 00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:41,812 I want you to know something. 289 00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:47,318 I have never ever blamed you. Never! 290 00:24:55,827 --> 00:25:00,164 - Do you believe how she looks? - How old is she? 291 00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:02,875 - Fifty. - Fifty? 292 00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:05,336 You've gotta be kidding. 293 00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:08,964 I wonder what her secret is. 294 00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:35,658 - Life has turned out as quite a party. - You used to hate parties. 295 00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:38,994 That was when I was old. You should see me now. 296 00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:42,498 I didn't know you were so unhappy. 297 00:25:46,336 --> 00:25:48,796 Never could lee to you. 298 00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:55,469 I know about the kind of... work you're doing now. 299 00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:57,680 It's not work. 300 00:25:57,722 --> 00:26:01,892 I would sell my soul to be able to operate again. 301 00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:06,438 - Oh, Helen, I've wasted my life. - No, Ernest. 302 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:09,400 She's wasted you. 303 00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:12,444 She married a brilliant surgeon... 304 00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:15,322 and turned him into an undertaker. 305 00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:18,325 I want you to know something. 306 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:22,037 I have never blamed you for leaving me. 307 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,249 I always knew it was her. 308 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:28,210 She's a woman. 309 00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:31,880 A woman, Ernest. 310 00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:34,300 From Newark, for God's sakes. 311 00:26:34,342 --> 00:26:39,680 I well never forgive her for what she's done to you. 312 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,434 Never. 313 00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:17,134 Dakota! 314 00:27:18,053 --> 00:27:22,640 Oh! 315 00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:26,852 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 316 00:27:26,936 --> 00:27:28,979 I didn't know you were coming over. 317 00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,649 - Oh, my God, you're not alone. - Of course I am. 318 00:27:31,691 --> 00:27:34,485 - I'm completely alone. - Dakota? 319 00:27:34,569 --> 00:27:37,738 Actually, completely isn't quite what I meant. 320 00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:41,575 - How dare you make me feel cheap! - Madeline, I forgot. 321 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:44,662 - She's here to... She's here to fix... - Who is she? 322 00:27:44,704 --> 00:27:47,581 - I'm trying to tell you... - Who is the little piece of meat? 323 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:50,918 She's a friend of, of, the guy who was here to... 324 00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:54,922 - Jesus, at least lee quickly! - I am trying to. 325 00:27:55,006 --> 00:28:00,636 Look, you gotta believe me. This is perfectly innocent. 326 00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:16,610 Hey, hey, hey. 327 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:19,029 I'm sick of this shit, you know that? 328 00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:21,699 - I am doing you a favor here. - Doing me a favor? 329 00:28:21,825 --> 00:28:25,160 - I gave you... - Yeah, you gave, I gave. Big deal! 330 00:28:25,203 --> 00:28:27,830 Somebody told me we look ridiculous together. 331 00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:30,374 How do you think that makes me feel? 332 00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:32,751 You never think about my feelings. 333 00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:36,213 Go find someone your own age, Madeline! 334 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:46,074 Madeline! I need to speak to Madeline at once! 335 00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:49,453 No. 336 00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:56,835 Madeline. I need to speak to Madeline at once! 337 00:29:56,836 --> 00:29:58,921 Yeah. 338 00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:41,672 Geez. 339 00:31:00,108 --> 00:31:03,694 - Good evening. I hope it's not too... - Not at all, Mess Ashton. 340 00:31:03,820 --> 00:31:06,530 Mess Von Rhuman's expecting you. 341 00:31:06,573 --> 00:31:08,949 She is? 342 00:31:18,376 --> 00:31:21,003 Walt here, please. 343 00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:50,324 Follow me, please. 344 00:32:18,436 --> 00:32:21,521 Excuse me. 345 00:32:23,358 --> 00:32:26,109 I hoped you'd come. 346 00:32:26,152 --> 00:32:30,572 Make some room for my friend, for Christ’s sake! 347 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:32,699 But... 348 00:32:35,328 --> 00:32:37,871 keep your ass handy. 349 00:32:46,589 --> 00:32:52,010 May I say that I've always thought yours... 350 00:32:52,053 --> 00:32:57,015 to be one of the most beautiful faces... 351 00:32:57,100 --> 00:33:00,602 ever to grace the silver screen. 352 00:33:00,687 --> 00:33:01,937 Oh. 353 00:33:02,021 --> 00:33:04,272 And that husband of yours, 354 00:33:04,315 --> 00:33:08,360 I can only say that his reputation is unsurpassed. 355 00:33:08,444 --> 00:33:10,362 Oh. 356 00:33:10,446 --> 00:33:14,950 I just arrived in town. I follow the spring. 357 00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:17,452 I haven't seen an autumn or winter in years. 358 00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:22,958 We are creatures of the spring, you and I. 359 00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:27,629 Uh-huh. I'm not really quite sure why I came. 360 00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:31,008 You're scared as hell... of yourself, 361 00:33:32,176 --> 00:33:35,846 of the body you thought you once knew. 362 00:33:35,888 --> 00:33:38,390 I beg your pardon? 363 00:33:39,517 --> 00:33:43,020 I am the one who understands. 364 00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:46,857 I am the one who knows your secret. 365 00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:51,278 Who is it? 366 00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:57,993 Madeline. I need to speak to Madeline. 367 00:33:58,077 --> 00:34:00,370 She's not here. 368 00:34:00,371 --> 00:34:03,540 Ah, thank God! 369 00:34:08,087 --> 00:34:11,965 How did you get in? I didn't hear the gate. 370 00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:16,845 I didn't want you to hear. 371 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:19,056 Ernest, ask me to go. 372 00:34:19,098 --> 00:34:21,975 Ask me to leave this house immediately! 373 00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:24,853 - You just got here. - I know, I know. 374 00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:28,523 But it just took me a glimpse and I was back where I started. 375 00:34:28,608 --> 00:34:30,942 Where's that? 376 00:34:30,943 --> 00:34:34,279 - Don't pretend you're not aware of it. - Of what? 377 00:34:34,363 --> 00:34:38,784 You're a powerful sexual being, Ernest. 378 00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:40,577 I am? 379 00:34:40,620 --> 00:34:42,412 Yes, you are. 380 00:34:42,497 --> 00:34:45,624 If I never told you before, it's because... 381 00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:49,169 I wasn't the sort of girl that could say the word... 382 00:34:49,212 --> 00:34:52,714 "sexual" without blushing. 383 00:34:55,551 --> 00:34:58,011 Well, I can now. 384 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:02,766 Sexual. 385 00:35:03,518 --> 00:35:06,061 Sensual. 386 00:35:07,647 --> 00:35:09,815 Sexy. 387 00:35:11,275 --> 00:35:17,114 Sex. 388 00:35:17,156 --> 00:35:19,199 Sex! 389 00:35:23,037 --> 00:35:27,582 So warm, so full of life. 390 00:35:27,750 --> 00:35:31,920 And already it ebbs away from you. 391 00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:35,090 This is life’s ultimate cruelty. 392 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:38,760 It offers us the taste of youth and vitality... 393 00:35:38,886 --> 00:35:42,931 and then makes us wetness our own decay. 394 00:35:44,267 --> 00:35:46,560 Well, it is the natural law. 395 00:35:46,644 --> 00:35:49,146 Screw the natural law! 396 00:36:42,700 --> 00:36:45,243 What is that? 397 00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:49,539 What you came for. 398 00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:52,626 A touch of magic... 399 00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:57,005 in this world obsessed with science. 400 00:36:58,841 --> 00:37:01,218 A tonic. 401 00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:05,180 A potion. 402 00:37:06,933 --> 00:37:08,892 What does it do? 403 00:37:08,976 --> 00:37:12,437 How old would you guess I am? 404 00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:18,485 I wouldn't... 405 00:37:18,569 --> 00:37:21,321 Come on. Don't try to flatter me. 406 00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:23,907 Thirty eight. 407 00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:26,993 Oh, twenty eight. Twenty... three? 408 00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:30,705 I am seventy-one years old. 409 00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:34,209 That's what it does. 410 00:37:34,252 --> 00:37:37,671 It stops the aging process dead in its tracks... 411 00:37:37,755 --> 00:37:40,048 and forces it into retreat. 412 00:37:40,132 --> 00:37:44,844 Drink that potion and you'll never grow even one day older. 413 00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:50,308 Don't drink it... and continue to watch yourself rot. 414 00:37:51,143 --> 00:37:53,103 How much is it? 415 00:37:55,648 --> 00:37:59,609 The sordid topic of coin... 416 00:37:59,652 --> 00:38:02,362 I'm afraid is not so simple. 417 00:38:02,446 --> 00:38:06,866 The cost, you see, it's different for everyone. 418 00:38:06,909 --> 00:38:10,203 Well, for me, how much? 419 00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:30,598 Well, thank you very much. I think I should be going. 420 00:38:30,641 --> 00:38:32,892 Sit! 421 00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:50,660 Hold out your hand. 422 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:57,917 What are you, nuts? 423 00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:00,170 Watch. 424 00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:29,407 Check okay? 425 00:39:29,492 --> 00:39:31,409 Fine. 426 00:39:31,494 --> 00:39:34,120 But you must make me a promise. 427 00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:36,998 The secret that we share must never become public. 428 00:39:37,124 --> 00:39:39,751 You may continue your career for ten years, 429 00:39:39,835 --> 00:39:43,046 ten years of perfect, unchanged beauty. 430 00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:47,842 But at the end of that time, before people become suspicious, 431 00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:50,804 you have to disappear from public view forever. 432 00:39:50,888 --> 00:39:53,056 You can retire. 433 00:39:53,140 --> 00:39:56,393 You can stage your own phony death... 434 00:39:56,435 --> 00:39:59,020 or... 435 00:39:59,063 --> 00:40:02,607 as one of my clients simply said, 436 00:40:02,691 --> 00:40:05,527 "I vant to be alone, yah." 437 00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:08,571 No! She's not! 438 00:40:09,740 --> 00:40:11,699 Wow! 439 00:40:37,977 --> 00:40:40,603 Bottoms up. 440 00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:57,787 - Now, a warning. - Now, a warning? 441 00:40:57,872 --> 00:41:01,332 Take care of yourself. 442 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:07,213 You and your body are going to be together a long time. 443 00:41:07,298 --> 00:41:09,966 Be good to it. 444 00:41:11,677 --> 00:41:15,597 Siempre viva. Live forever. 445 00:41:56,597 --> 00:42:00,767 I can't believe... Del you... 446 00:42:00,809 --> 00:42:03,561 Oh... I'm a girl! 447 00:42:03,687 --> 00:42:07,023 Shh. 448 00:42:07,024 --> 00:42:10,360 Ernest, oh, we gotta stop. 449 00:42:10,444 --> 00:42:12,946 I know we... I know we... 450 00:42:13,030 --> 00:42:15,323 Really, Ernest. Oh. 451 00:42:15,449 --> 00:42:17,909 Ernest, don't be angry with me. 452 00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:21,412 I'm fighting this as hard as I can, but just... 453 00:42:21,455 --> 00:42:23,081 Look at you! 454 00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:28,336 She's already destroyed your career. 455 00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:30,964 Now she's breaking your heart, 456 00:42:31,048 --> 00:42:33,800 stealing your pride, 457 00:42:33,884 --> 00:42:36,177 flaunting her lovers... 458 00:42:36,303 --> 00:42:37,679 all over town. 459 00:42:37,721 --> 00:42:39,639 You know about that? 460 00:42:39,723 --> 00:42:43,309 Everyone does. 461 00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:47,021 At the party, people spoke of nothing else. 462 00:42:47,064 --> 00:42:49,899 How can you love me, Helen? 463 00:42:49,942 --> 00:42:54,320 I've been so weak for so long. 464 00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:58,032 I should've divorced Madeline a long time ago. 465 00:43:00,369 --> 00:43:04,330 By God, that is exactly what I am going to do! 466 00:43:04,415 --> 00:43:06,583 The first thing tomorrow morning, 467 00:43:06,667 --> 00:43:10,128 I am gonna go downtown and obtain a divorce from Madeline Ashton. 468 00:43:10,170 --> 00:43:14,090 - Ernest? - Monday. At the very least Tuesday. 469 00:43:14,174 --> 00:43:17,969 Divorce? In California? 470 00:43:18,095 --> 00:43:21,973 That's exactly what she wants you to do. 471 00:43:22,057 --> 00:43:24,392 You have no talent for poverty. 472 00:43:30,774 --> 00:43:33,568 You can't let her get away with that. 473 00:43:35,029 --> 00:43:38,072 Then there's nothing I can do. 474 00:43:39,950 --> 00:43:42,535 Oh, yes, there is. 475 00:43:46,749 --> 00:43:49,125 Listen to me, Ernest. 476 00:43:49,251 --> 00:43:53,796 I've thought this through carefully, and it's the only way. 477 00:43:53,881 --> 00:43:57,592 Tonight, while she's asleep, you'll sneak downstairs quietly, 478 00:43:57,676 --> 00:44:02,347 and take one of each kind of wine glass from the shelf. 479 00:44:02,431 --> 00:44:04,807 Then you'll take this Narconal... 480 00:44:04,933 --> 00:44:07,352 and lightly coat each glass. 481 00:44:07,394 --> 00:44:11,481 As you know, Narconal is a very powerful alcohol-base tranquilizer, 482 00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:13,483 so you won't need much. 483 00:44:13,567 --> 00:44:16,235 Tomorrow, I'll call Madeline to say good-bye. 484 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:21,240 - I'll get her to enervate me to dinner. - Why don't you come to dinner? 485 00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:25,328 Then, at dinner, we propose a toast. 486 00:44:25,412 --> 00:44:27,705 No matter which glass she drinks from, 487 00:44:27,706 --> 00:44:31,876 Narconal well be on the glass. 488 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,380 You and I work together. First, we finish dinner. 489 00:44:35,464 --> 00:44:38,841 Then we load her in the car, take her to the top of Mulholland Drive, 490 00:44:38,884 --> 00:44:44,055 call the police and report we've seen a drunk woman swerving close to the edge. 491 00:44:44,139 --> 00:44:47,642 Some drunk woman up here on Mulholland's swerving dangerously close to the edge. 492 00:44:47,810 --> 00:44:51,437 We'll sit her up in the driver’s seat... 493 00:44:51,522 --> 00:44:53,356 and make it look like she's had... 494 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:57,402 just a little bet too much to drink. 495 00:44:57,486 --> 00:44:59,696 We drop the car into gear, 496 00:45:01,448 --> 00:45:04,283 wedge her foot down on the accelerator, 497 00:45:05,869 --> 00:45:08,871 clamp her hands on the steering wheel... 498 00:45:08,956 --> 00:45:11,874 and send her on her way. 499 00:45:22,803 --> 00:45:25,722 By the time they perform the autopsy, 500 00:45:25,764 --> 00:45:28,433 the Narconal well be completely dissolved, 501 00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:31,227 leaving only traces of alcohol. 502 00:45:31,353 --> 00:45:35,773 She'll be classified as just another drunk driver. 503 00:45:35,858 --> 00:45:41,362 - They'll check her blood alcohol... - Point four-0. She had it coming. 504 00:45:41,447 --> 00:45:43,906 ...and think nothing more of it. 505 00:45:43,991 --> 00:45:48,661 The case is closed. Madeline is dead. 506 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:52,331 And we're free! 507 00:45:52,416 --> 00:45:55,209 What are we saying? 508 00:46:01,550 --> 00:46:05,470 - We can't go through with this, Helen. - It's the only way. 509 00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:07,805 After she's gone, 510 00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:11,267 you can start your life all over again. 511 00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:14,645 I can start my life all over again. 512 00:46:14,688 --> 00:46:19,066 Oh, we'll be so happy! 513 00:46:21,779 --> 00:46:24,906 She's killing you. 514 00:46:26,617 --> 00:46:30,495 So... it would be self-defense. 515 00:46:30,662 --> 00:46:34,123 Self-defense. 516 00:48:04,923 --> 00:48:08,384 My God, it's back! 517 00:48:17,936 --> 00:48:20,229 We have to talk. 518 00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:23,649 - Have another drink and go to bed. - You'd like that. 519 00:48:23,734 --> 00:48:26,903 You'd like to see me drink myself into an early grave. 520 00:48:26,945 --> 00:48:29,322 That is not going to happen, by God! 521 00:48:29,406 --> 00:48:33,701 - You are not going to take my money! - What are you talking about? 522 00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:37,038 When was the last time you worked, Madeline? A real job? 523 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:41,417 Anything you had left, you owed me a long time ago. Your face owed me. 524 00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:43,961 You've changed your hair? 525 00:48:46,340 --> 00:48:48,424 What an eye. 526 00:48:48,508 --> 00:48:50,426 Don't wait up. 527 00:48:52,679 --> 00:48:54,972 Cheap. 528 00:48:57,893 --> 00:49:00,311 What did you say? 529 00:49:00,395 --> 00:49:03,230 I called you cheap. That's what I think of you. 530 00:49:03,398 --> 00:49:05,441 Who do you think you're talking to? 531 00:49:05,442 --> 00:49:08,069 You're a cheap, tacky little tramp. 532 00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:10,529 Who do you think you are? 533 00:49:10,572 --> 00:49:13,908 - Nothing like the woman I married. - You're nothing! 534 00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:17,495 - You're a broad! - You're a tragic, boozy, flaccid clown. 535 00:49:17,663 --> 00:49:21,457 - Watch it, Madeline. - That's it. Flaccid. 536 00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:23,542 - Watch what you say. - Flaccid. 537 00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:26,212 I don't have to take this any longer! 538 00:49:26,296 --> 00:49:29,173 You'll take everything I have to give! You always have. 539 00:49:29,257 --> 00:49:31,634 You're not even a man anymore. And I need a man! 540 00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,930 A real man, not some drunken, broken-down flaccid undertaker... 541 00:49:35,973 --> 00:49:39,141 who is just as dead below the waist as his clients are. 542 00:49:39,184 --> 00:49:41,978 Hey, I might have more fun with one of your clients! 543 00:49:42,062 --> 00:49:45,481 At least I'd know I'd be getting something stiff... 544 00:50:02,457 --> 00:50:05,418 Del you think that I was just going to take it forever, Madeline? 545 00:50:05,502 --> 00:50:06,961 Del you? 546 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:10,214 You cruel, vicious, loathsome bitch! 547 00:50:14,678 --> 00:50:17,930 Please? Please? 548 00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,811 Oh, God! Oh! 549 00:50:23,854 --> 00:50:27,815 - Madeline, I'm so sorry. - Oh, help me! Help me! 550 00:50:30,444 --> 00:50:32,737 Hurry! 551 00:50:32,821 --> 00:50:35,031 Help me! Hurry up, you wimp! 552 00:50:59,056 --> 00:51:01,057 Oh, boy. 553 00:51:07,272 --> 00:51:10,941 Oh, oh. 554 00:51:11,026 --> 00:51:13,069 Oh. 555 00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:48,229 Oh, boy! 556 00:51:59,032 --> 00:52:01,242 Suite 1110, please. 557 00:52:01,284 --> 00:52:04,120 Helen, it's me, Ernest Menville! I did it! 558 00:52:04,204 --> 00:52:06,497 I didn't think I'd be able to, but I did it! 559 00:52:06,581 --> 00:52:09,750 I pushed her down the stairs. She is absolutely stone cold. 560 00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:13,212 She was saying the most monstrous things and she's dead. 561 00:52:13,296 --> 00:52:15,923 I just had this feeling inside of me that I couldn't contain. 562 00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:18,676 We're free, Helen. But I'm afraid I'm gonna burn in hell. 563 00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:21,637 Her neck is broken and there's no pulse and she's dead. 564 00:52:21,721 --> 00:52:25,349 Exactly which part of the plan were you unclear on? 565 00:52:25,433 --> 00:52:28,978 - We went over it three times, Ernest. - You don't understand. 566 00:52:29,062 --> 00:52:32,857 - Ernest, we went over it three times. - You don't understand. 567 00:52:32,983 --> 00:52:35,276 It just happened. It was an accident. 568 00:52:35,318 --> 00:52:37,611 It's better than an accident. At least it's gonna look like an accident. 569 00:52:37,654 --> 00:52:39,947 - Have you called the police? - No, I called you first. 570 00:52:40,073 --> 00:52:43,534 Ernest, you... poor, sweet thing. 571 00:52:43,535 --> 00:52:47,997 If the police check the phone records, don't you think it’ll look unusual... 572 00:52:48,081 --> 00:52:52,209 - that you called me before them? - Oh, my God. 573 00:52:52,294 --> 00:52:54,795 - You're right. - Of course I'm right! 574 00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:56,797 - Should I call them right now? - No. 575 00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,426 We have to decide what you're going to say first. 576 00:53:01,678 --> 00:53:04,180 - Well? - I'm thinking. 577 00:53:05,390 --> 00:53:07,516 Okay, I've got it. Where's the body? 578 00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:11,353 - At the foot of the stairs. - Good. Don't move her. 579 00:53:11,438 --> 00:53:13,981 - Soon as we hang up, call the police. - Okay. 580 00:53:14,024 --> 00:53:17,735 Tell them you were on the phone with me when you heard a terrible scream. 581 00:53:17,861 --> 00:53:20,821 You turned around and saw Madeline fall down the stairs. 582 00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:23,032 - Right. Perfect. - Stick to that story. 583 00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:26,202 If they check the phone records, it’ll confirm what you told them. 584 00:53:26,286 --> 00:53:28,996 - Got it. - What about the time of death? 585 00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:32,750 - Could they prove the call came after? - No, no. 586 00:53:32,834 --> 00:53:35,920 It's very difficult to determine time of death within a few hours. 587 00:53:36,004 --> 00:53:39,757 - It's not an exact science. - Ernest? Ernest! 588 00:53:39,841 --> 00:53:44,428 Ernest, you pushed me down the stairs! 589 00:53:49,809 --> 00:53:52,186 Stay away from me! 590 00:53:52,312 --> 00:53:54,939 You bet I well! Animal! Psycho! 591 00:53:55,023 --> 00:53:58,025 - Don't come near me. - Wife pusher! 592 00:53:58,068 --> 00:54:01,904 Don't come near me, follow me or talk to me. 593 00:54:01,988 --> 00:54:04,281 I don't intend to. 594 00:54:04,783 --> 00:54:15,000 I just have to make a telephone call. 595 00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:17,253 9-1-1, right? 596 00:54:20,465 --> 00:54:24,301 You're in the shit house now, pal! 597 00:54:25,345 --> 00:54:27,513 Madeline, look at yourself! 598 00:54:27,597 --> 00:54:30,432 - Huh? - Look at yourself! 599 00:54:34,312 --> 00:54:36,605 Ernest! 600 00:54:36,690 --> 00:54:39,650 My ass! 601 00:54:39,734 --> 00:54:43,153 I can see... my ass! 602 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:48,242 - Something’s wrong with your neck too. - I would say so. 603 00:54:48,285 --> 00:54:53,038 I would friggin' well say so! 604 00:54:54,416 --> 00:54:57,459 Oh! Are you okay, honey? 605 00:54:57,544 --> 00:55:00,337 Yeah. Oh. 606 00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:08,012 Ernest... 607 00:55:08,096 --> 00:55:10,389 what's wrong with me? 608 00:55:10,473 --> 00:55:13,684 It's a dislocated neck. That's what it is. 609 00:55:13,768 --> 00:55:17,354 It could happen. I've never seen it happen, but it could happen. 610 00:55:17,439 --> 00:55:20,858 Yeah, so? Fix it. 611 00:55:20,942 --> 00:55:23,736 - How? - I don't know. Just do it! 612 00:55:23,820 --> 00:55:26,780 I wouldn't know where to begin, Madeline. 613 00:55:26,823 --> 00:55:28,824 For God's sake! 614 00:55:34,706 --> 00:55:36,749 Ah! 615 00:55:36,833 --> 00:55:39,209 Oh! 616 00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:47,676 Honey, I think I need a doctor. 617 00:55:52,015 --> 00:55:55,225 - What's the matter with this guy? - She's at death's door! 618 00:55:55,393 --> 00:55:57,311 Doctor, she's at death's door. 619 00:55:57,354 --> 00:56:00,397 Why don't you let me be the judge of that? 620 00:56:00,482 --> 00:56:02,524 What seems to be the problem? 621 00:56:02,567 --> 00:56:05,027 I fell down the stairs. 622 00:56:05,070 --> 00:56:07,821 Whoopsie. Anything broken? 623 00:56:07,906 --> 00:56:10,783 I don't think so. I mean, it would hurt, wouldn't it? 624 00:56:10,867 --> 00:56:13,452 I should think so, yeah. 625 00:56:13,536 --> 00:56:17,915 Maybe my wrest, but my neck feels sort of sore. 626 00:56:18,041 --> 00:56:20,584 Let's have a little look at you. Which wrest is it? 627 00:56:20,668 --> 00:56:22,711 Right. 628 00:56:22,796 --> 00:56:25,589 - Does it hurt when I do this? - No. 629 00:56:25,673 --> 00:56:28,675 - How about this? - Nope. 630 00:56:30,678 --> 00:56:34,014 - Ah, okay, this? - Hmm, no, uh-uh. 631 00:56:35,016 --> 00:56:38,352 - This doesn't hurt? - Uh-uh. No. 632 00:56:38,478 --> 00:56:41,313 Are you telling me it doesn't hurt when I do this? 633 00:56:41,398 --> 00:56:44,066 It doesn't hurt. I told you that. 634 00:56:44,109 --> 00:56:47,569 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 635 00:56:47,737 --> 00:56:50,989 Okay, what's this you're talking about with your neck? 636 00:56:51,032 --> 00:56:54,368 It hurts when I kinda turn it, you know? 637 00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:57,204 Maybe you just... 638 00:56:57,247 --> 00:57:00,999 Okay, right. I see. Gotcha. 639 00:57:01,084 --> 00:57:05,337 - What about shock? Should we check? - It could be shock. 640 00:57:05,422 --> 00:57:07,673 It could be shock. 641 00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:24,731 What is... 642 00:57:34,576 --> 00:57:36,827 What? What is it? What's the matter? 643 00:57:36,870 --> 00:57:39,496 It's, uh, it's interesting. 644 00:57:39,664 --> 00:57:42,166 It's okeydokey. 645 00:57:42,250 --> 00:57:45,502 I think that just about covers it. 646 00:57:45,587 --> 00:57:49,298 - Might I have a little sip of that? - Of course. 647 00:57:51,676 --> 00:57:55,471 Well, I'll tell you what. We, this, uh, odd thing. 648 00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:58,682 Your wrest, as far as I can tell, 649 00:57:58,766 --> 00:58:02,144 it's fractured in three places. 650 00:58:02,228 --> 00:58:04,605 And you've shattered, uh, two, uh, vertebrae. 651 00:58:04,731 --> 00:58:08,275 I can't really be certain without an x ray. 652 00:58:08,318 --> 00:58:12,988 But the bone protrusion through the skin, that's not a good sign. 653 00:58:13,114 --> 00:58:15,824 And, uh... your body temperature is below 80... 654 00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,952 and, your, your, your... 655 00:58:18,995 --> 00:58:21,330 your heart's stopped beating. 656 00:58:21,414 --> 00:58:24,833 What the hell does that mean? 657 00:58:24,834 --> 00:58:27,211 Exactly! Exactly what... 658 00:58:27,295 --> 00:58:30,589 I think... I'm gonna get a second opinion. 659 00:58:30,632 --> 00:58:32,341 Doctor? 660 00:58:32,467 --> 00:58:35,177 Well, could be worse. 661 00:58:35,261 --> 00:58:38,138 - I'm gonna examine you myself. - No. 662 00:58:38,181 --> 00:58:40,474 - Sit still. - Don't touch me. 663 00:58:40,517 --> 00:58:44,520 - My God, he's right. - He is not right. Don't be ridiculous. 664 00:58:44,562 --> 00:58:46,688 - This is incredible. - What would it mean if he were right? 665 00:58:46,731 --> 00:58:51,276 You're in violation of every natural law that I know. 666 00:58:51,361 --> 00:58:53,362 I, I, I, I violated what law? 667 00:58:53,446 --> 00:58:55,531 In violation of every natural law that I know! 668 00:58:55,615 --> 00:59:00,452 You're sitting there, you're talking to me, but you're dead! 669 00:59:00,537 --> 00:59:02,704 I'm gonna get help! 670 00:59:07,293 --> 00:59:10,587 I need a doctor! Room 147! 671 00:59:10,672 --> 00:59:15,008 Hey! Hey! 672 00:59:15,093 --> 00:59:20,681 Respiratory therapist to E.R. Therapist to the E.R. 673 00:59:20,807 --> 00:59:24,518 Where are all the doctors? 674 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,151 No, no, no! Not that lab! 675 00:59:33,236 --> 00:59:36,196 Everyone clear. 676 00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:39,366 - What do we have now? - No pulse! 677 00:59:45,665 --> 00:59:48,584 Where is she? 678 00:59:53,047 --> 00:59:56,091 I'm terribly sorry, ser. I know how difficult this must be. 679 00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:58,844 You don't understand. She didn't... 680 00:59:58,928 --> 01:00:01,138 This is very hard to explain. 681 01:00:01,180 --> 01:00:04,099 I know it is. How can anyone explain it? 682 01:00:04,142 --> 01:00:07,311 - Where did you put my wife? - Don't worry about that now. 683 01:00:07,353 --> 01:00:09,730 Just give yourself some time to grieve. 684 01:00:09,814 --> 01:00:14,109 - Where did you put my wife? - She's dead. She's in the morgue. 685 01:00:14,152 --> 01:00:17,946 The morgue! She'll be furious. 686 01:01:26,891 --> 01:01:30,227 - Help! - Yes, it's me, darling. 687 01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:33,647 Oh, Ernest! 688 01:01:33,690 --> 01:01:37,901 I fainted and I woke up and it was all dark. 689 01:01:37,944 --> 01:01:40,696 I kept yelling and yelling and yelling. 690 01:01:40,780 --> 01:01:43,573 Nobody heard me. Nobody did anything. 691 01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:46,076 Then I didn't know where I was and I got scared. 692 01:01:46,119 --> 01:01:49,579 It's okay. It's all right. 693 01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:53,542 Ernest, I'm in the morgue. 694 01:01:53,626 --> 01:01:55,877 - Why am I in the morgue? - Shh! It's okay. It's okay! 695 01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:58,380 Listen! I understand now. It's incredible! 696 01:01:58,423 --> 01:02:01,508 It's physically impossible, but now I understand it. 697 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:05,679 - They think I'm dead, Ernest. - Yes! But you're not! 698 01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:08,557 In the whole of recorded medical history, 699 01:02:08,599 --> 01:02:11,852 this has never happened to another single human. 700 01:02:11,894 --> 01:02:15,731 Yeah, so, why did it have to happen to me? 701 01:02:15,773 --> 01:02:19,025 - Do you know what you are, darling? - Uh-uh. 702 01:02:19,068 --> 01:02:23,238 You're a sign. You're an omen, a burning bush! 703 01:02:23,281 --> 01:02:25,991 - I am? - Of course you are. 704 01:02:26,075 --> 01:02:28,910 We're being told that we belong together. 705 01:02:28,995 --> 01:02:32,581 And I'm being called. I'm being challenged. 706 01:02:32,707 --> 01:02:36,042 Don't you see, Madeline? It's a miracle! 707 01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:16,625 Oh, my God! 708 01:03:41,150 --> 01:03:45,195 Shit! 709 01:04:01,838 --> 01:04:03,839 Oh! 710 01:04:31,033 --> 01:04:33,201 Formaldehyde. 711 01:04:33,244 --> 01:04:36,538 What in God's name? 712 01:05:07,194 --> 01:05:09,154 Darn it. 713 01:05:14,410 --> 01:05:16,369 It's just not the right balance. 714 01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:19,456 - How's it goin', Ern? - I don't wanna rush things, Madeline. 715 01:05:19,540 --> 01:05:23,168 Who keeps calling? 716 01:05:23,252 --> 01:05:25,670 - Huh? - Who is that? 717 01:05:25,755 --> 01:05:28,840 I can't have these interruptions! 718 01:05:31,636 --> 01:05:35,305 I'm gonna need you to hold very still. 719 01:05:35,389 --> 01:05:37,807 Oh! 720 01:05:37,934 --> 01:05:41,227 - What? - Madeline! 721 01:05:41,312 --> 01:05:44,648 - I asked you to sit still. - Mmm, what's the matter? 722 01:05:44,732 --> 01:05:47,734 - I need more turpentine now. - Are we almost done? 723 01:05:47,777 --> 01:05:51,279 The highlights of your eyes are unbalanced. Want people to stare? 724 01:05:51,489 --> 01:05:56,201 I can't use kerosene because it’ll affect the skin. 725 01:05:58,829 --> 01:06:01,790 Where is she? 726 01:06:05,127 --> 01:06:09,172 Oh, my gosh, Helen! What are you doesn’t here? 727 01:06:09,256 --> 01:06:11,758 What's that on your hands? Blood? 728 01:06:11,842 --> 01:06:14,052 - Pant! - Pant? 729 01:06:14,095 --> 01:06:16,054 What would you be doing that you have paint on your hands? 730 01:06:16,138 --> 01:06:18,431 - Painting. - Ernest. 731 01:06:18,557 --> 01:06:21,726 Are you doing something funny with Madeline? 732 01:06:21,811 --> 01:06:25,188 - Define funny. - Oh, come on, Ernest. Cough her up! 733 01:06:25,189 --> 01:06:27,482 Shh, shh, shh, listen, Helen. 734 01:06:27,566 --> 01:06:29,943 - We should go outside and talk. - Why are you whispering? 735 01:06:29,986 --> 01:06:34,489 - She's resting and in a foul mood. - Are you nuts? 736 01:06:34,490 --> 01:06:37,325 - She's resting! - She's not resting. 737 01:06:37,368 --> 01:06:41,830 She's dead, Ernest, just like we wanted, just like we plotted together. 738 01:06:41,914 --> 01:06:45,792 Remember? You may have done it alone, but I can't walk away now. 739 01:06:45,835 --> 01:06:48,712 - Not after you put us both in jeopardy! - Shh! 740 01:06:48,796 --> 01:06:53,258 We have to bury her in Death Valley and be done with her once and for all. 741 01:06:53,342 --> 01:06:56,845 - You have to listen to me. - Stop waffling. She deserved it. 742 01:06:56,929 --> 01:07:01,433 She was a home wrecker. She was a man-eater. 743 01:07:01,517 --> 01:07:04,436 And she was a bad... actress. 744 01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:09,941 - Would you please listen to me! - Oh, stop it! 745 01:07:09,984 --> 01:07:12,485 Madeline is not ready to be buried yet. 746 01:07:12,570 --> 01:07:15,113 - She's upstairs resting peacefully. - Oh, fine! 747 01:07:15,197 --> 01:07:17,407 If she's not dead, you tell her to come here. 748 01:07:17,491 --> 01:07:19,909 Tell her to come here, walk right up to me... 749 01:07:20,077 --> 01:07:22,579 - and kiss me on the... - Kiss you on the what? 750 01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:28,835 - Mad? - Hel. 751 01:07:28,961 --> 01:07:31,880 - Darling. - What have you two... 752 01:07:31,922 --> 01:07:36,051 been plotting down here or should I say, what else? 753 01:07:36,093 --> 01:07:41,389 Are you angry, dear? Are you very angry? 754 01:07:41,432 --> 01:07:46,061 - It's alive. - Madeline? 755 01:07:46,145 --> 01:07:50,565 Oh, boy! Helen, I think you should leave right away. 756 01:07:50,608 --> 01:07:54,486 I see a very bad Staten developing here. 757 01:07:54,570 --> 01:07:58,198 Dear? Madeline? 758 01:08:08,125 --> 01:08:10,251 I just want you to know one thing, Hel. 759 01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:13,755 You brought this on yourself. 760 01:08:13,798 --> 01:08:15,215 Madeline! 761 01:08:18,803 --> 01:08:21,429 Oh, my God! 762 01:08:23,182 --> 01:08:27,393 - What have you done? - What have I done? Defended myself. 763 01:08:27,436 --> 01:08:29,729 You plotter, co-conspirator! 764 01:08:29,772 --> 01:08:33,108 - She's dead! - She is? 765 01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:37,779 These are the moments that make life worth living. 766 01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:41,074 My God, Madeline, that was horrible. It was brutal. 767 01:08:41,117 --> 01:08:44,160 It was stupid! The police, Madeline! The police! 768 01:08:44,245 --> 01:08:47,288 What are they gonna do? Put me in the gas chamber? Big deal. 769 01:08:47,331 --> 01:08:50,458 Life in prison? Know what that means to a person in your condition? 770 01:08:50,501 --> 01:08:55,630 - So negative. Let me enjoy the moment. - What about the neighbors? 771 01:08:55,714 --> 01:09:00,301 Neighbors? In 12 years in Los Angeles, have you ever seen a neighbor? 772 01:09:00,344 --> 01:09:03,429 Oh! I gotta think! I gotta think! 773 01:09:03,472 --> 01:09:05,473 One of us has to stay rational. 774 01:09:05,558 --> 01:09:10,061 I am completely rational. We're going to bury her. 775 01:09:10,146 --> 01:09:12,605 In Death Valley. You and I. 776 01:09:12,690 --> 01:09:15,150 I most certainly well not! 777 01:09:15,192 --> 01:09:20,321 Oh, no? Pretty strong words for a murderer on the run, 778 01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:23,867 which is exactly what you are, Ernest. 779 01:09:26,162 --> 01:09:29,539 What if the police should receive an anonymous phone call about you... 780 01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:34,377 and find me on the floor not breathing, no pulse? 781 01:09:34,461 --> 01:09:37,797 Ain’t nobody can play dead like me, Ernest. 782 01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:42,760 What well you tell them? You're going to be very popular in prison. 783 01:09:42,845 --> 01:09:45,722 - Prison? - Prison. 784 01:09:45,806 --> 01:09:50,018 Do you know what they do to soft, bald, overweight Republicans... 785 01:09:50,060 --> 01:09:53,479 in prison, Ernest? 786 01:09:53,564 --> 01:09:55,690 I'll get the shovels, dear. 787 01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:03,198 And she even paid for the hardware. 788 01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:07,285 Don't you just love it? 789 01:10:07,369 --> 01:10:10,496 Oh! 790 01:10:11,832 --> 01:10:14,375 - Are you just gonna sit there? - What? 791 01:10:14,460 --> 01:10:17,420 - I won't be your accomplice by myself. - I'll help. 792 01:10:17,504 --> 01:10:19,881 - I'm happy to help. - Help me stretch this out. Get the end. 793 01:10:19,965 --> 01:10:23,843 - I'm very happy to help. - Put the body right here. 794 01:10:23,886 --> 01:10:26,638 Today really shaped up in a hurry, didn't it? 795 01:10:26,722 --> 01:10:30,058 Del you ever notice how some days can start out so shitty... 796 01:10:33,062 --> 01:10:36,231 and then suddenly something wonderful happens and your whole outlook... 797 01:10:36,273 --> 01:10:40,818 just suddenly... changes. 798 01:10:40,903 --> 01:10:45,240 That... was totally uncalled-for. 799 01:10:59,588 --> 01:11:04,759 Look at me, Ernest, just look at me. I'm soaking wet. 800 01:11:04,802 --> 01:11:09,430 And there seems to be something wrong with your, uh, blouse. 801 01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:15,228 I have a hole in my stomach! 802 01:11:15,271 --> 01:11:17,981 Oh! 803 01:11:18,107 --> 01:11:21,150 I have a hole in my stomach! 804 01:11:21,235 --> 01:11:25,446 Yeah, and you're still alive. 805 01:11:25,489 --> 01:11:29,284 - It's another miracle! - No, it isn't. 806 01:11:36,041 --> 01:11:39,377 Ha! Ah-ha! You took the potion! 807 01:11:39,461 --> 01:11:41,713 - How do you know about that? - Oh! 808 01:11:41,755 --> 01:11:45,383 - You took the potion too. - Well, I hardly needed it. 809 01:11:45,467 --> 01:11:49,345 So that's why you look the way you do and you are dead. 810 01:11:49,430 --> 01:11:53,099 - When did you take it? - October 26, 1985. Way before you! 811 01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:55,518 - What are you talking about? - The potion! 812 01:11:55,602 --> 01:11:57,562 - How much did you pay? - Everything I had. 813 01:11:57,646 --> 01:11:59,689 - And that was cheap! - You took a potion? 814 01:11:59,773 --> 01:12:03,276 - Beauty book, my butt! - Wait a second. 815 01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:06,112 I don't think this is a miracle at all! 816 01:12:06,196 --> 01:12:09,949 You're a fraud, a walking lee and I can see right through you! 817 01:12:12,202 --> 01:12:15,371 Speaking of which, as a friend, some advice. 818 01:12:15,372 --> 01:12:19,083 I would stay out of a bathing suit for a while. 819 01:12:19,168 --> 01:12:21,586 At least, a two piece. 820 01:12:21,628 --> 01:12:23,838 Or if I... 821 01:12:33,307 --> 01:12:37,685 Damn. I just fixed this. 822 01:12:46,195 --> 01:12:48,613 En garde. 823 01:12:48,697 --> 01:12:50,531 - Bitch. - Girls, girls! 824 01:12:50,574 --> 01:12:55,536 Let's just calm down. I'm sure we can settle this peacefully... Whoa! 825 01:12:55,579 --> 01:12:58,915 You should learn not to compete with me. I always wen. 826 01:12:58,999 --> 01:13:01,250 Yah! Yah! 827 01:13:01,293 --> 01:13:04,253 You may have always won, but you never played fair. 828 01:13:04,338 --> 01:13:05,963 Oh! 829 01:13:07,508 --> 01:13:10,385 Who cares how I played? I won! 830 01:13:10,427 --> 01:13:12,845 I'll just be upstairs. 831 01:13:12,971 --> 01:13:17,392 That's 'cause you could raise your legs higher than anyone. 832 01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:22,063 But look at you now! You couldn't raise an eyebrow without surgery! 833 01:13:22,147 --> 01:13:24,565 I've raised a lot more than an eyebrow in my day. 834 01:13:24,650 --> 01:13:27,235 You skinny, phony, hollow bitch! 835 01:13:27,361 --> 01:13:29,445 You've lost your one and only talent. 836 01:13:29,530 --> 01:13:33,032 Which was one more talent than you had, you former fatso! 837 01:13:38,414 --> 01:13:42,083 - Aaah! - Yes! No! Oh, damn! 838 01:13:42,126 --> 01:13:45,253 This is pointless! Wait a minute, this is ridiculous! 839 01:13:45,295 --> 01:13:47,588 We can't even hurt each other! We can't even inflict pain! 840 01:13:47,631 --> 01:13:49,882 Pain! 841 01:13:49,925 --> 01:13:53,636 I'll tell ya about pain! Bobby O’Brien! 842 01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:57,306 Scott Hunter! Ernest Menville! That's pain! 843 01:13:57,391 --> 01:14:00,184 I loved every one of them and they loved me. 844 01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:03,438 I well not speak to you tell you put your head on straight. 845 01:14:06,650 --> 01:14:09,152 They were all I had and you took them away from me. 846 01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,988 Not because you loved them, not because you cared... 847 01:14:12,072 --> 01:14:14,782 but just to hurt me on purpose. 848 01:14:14,867 --> 01:14:16,868 - That is not true! - Lear! 849 01:14:16,952 --> 01:14:19,537 - You attacked me first! - Me? 850 01:14:19,621 --> 01:14:22,290 Do you think I was blend, deaf? 851 01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:27,462 I couldn't hear what you and your snotty friends were saying about me? 852 01:14:27,504 --> 01:14:31,924 - You thought I was cheap. - Oh, please. You're insane. 853 01:14:31,967 --> 01:14:35,428 Then how come you never invented me to one of those parties at your parents? 854 01:14:35,512 --> 01:14:38,764 Because we didn't think you'd feel comfortable. 855 01:14:38,807 --> 01:14:42,143 - It wasn't usual for... Stop that! - I'm trying. 856 01:14:42,144 --> 01:14:46,230 - It wasn't usual for us to have... - Trash in the house! 857 01:14:46,315 --> 01:14:49,567 You're avoiding the issue. You stole my boyfriends to hurt me on purpose! 858 01:14:49,651 --> 01:14:51,569 - I did not! - Admit it! 859 01:14:51,653 --> 01:14:55,323 No, you admit it. You look me in the eye... 860 01:14:55,365 --> 01:15:01,078 and you admit you thought I was cheap. 861 01:15:13,717 --> 01:15:19,138 Okay, I thought you were cheap. 862 01:15:24,228 --> 01:15:25,895 Well, 863 01:15:28,065 --> 01:15:30,608 I hurt you on purpose. 864 01:15:30,692 --> 01:15:35,530 And I'm... really sorry. 865 01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,785 I'm sorry too. 866 01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:46,541 Ern, darling. 867 01:15:46,583 --> 01:15:50,586 Helen and I want to apologize for that little thing downstairs. 868 01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:55,049 - We've got it out of our systems now. - Yeah, thank God. 869 01:15:55,092 --> 01:15:58,469 It was so awful hating you and envying you at the same time. 870 01:15:58,512 --> 01:16:00,805 You envied me? I envied you! 871 01:16:00,889 --> 01:16:03,182 - You did not! - I did too. 872 01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:05,893 - Specifically, what part did you envy? - Your grade point for one. 873 01:16:05,978 --> 01:16:08,896 Excuse me. Excuse me! 874 01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:17,113 I just wanted to tell you both that I've come to a decision that's... 875 01:16:17,197 --> 01:16:21,492 very important and long overdue. 876 01:16:21,577 --> 01:16:23,995 - I'm leaving. - You're what? Leaving? No. 877 01:16:24,079 --> 01:16:27,081 - We need you. - I promised Hel you would fix her. 878 01:16:27,165 --> 01:16:29,458 And Maddie needs work too. 879 01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:34,088 - You can go first. - Oh, that's so sweet of you! 880 01:16:34,131 --> 01:16:36,173 Thank you. Ern? 881 01:16:36,258 --> 01:16:41,345 Come on. What do you say? For old times sake. 882 01:16:41,430 --> 01:16:43,431 Please! 883 01:16:47,394 --> 01:16:52,231 On one condition. When I'm done, I go. 884 01:16:54,192 --> 01:16:57,403 You don't look for me. You don't ask about me. 885 01:16:57,446 --> 01:17:00,031 You don't even think about me ever again. 886 01:17:01,950 --> 01:17:04,452 I have no problem with that. Do you? 887 01:17:04,536 --> 01:17:06,996 Not anymore. 888 01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:24,680 - Oh! - Oh! It's amazing! 889 01:17:24,806 --> 01:17:27,642 - Oh! - Not a blemish! Not a pore! 890 01:17:27,684 --> 01:17:32,313 Oh! Say what you well about Ernest, but the man is a genius. 891 01:17:32,397 --> 01:17:34,690 He is. He's a genius. 892 01:17:34,775 --> 01:17:37,610 - Wait. You've got a little thing. - Ooh! 893 01:17:37,653 --> 01:17:40,154 Probably shouldn't have done that. Ha-ha! 894 01:17:40,197 --> 01:17:42,657 - I think it's still... wet. - Can Ernest fix this? 895 01:17:42,783 --> 01:17:44,784 - Yeah, I'll get him before he leaves. - But wait a minute. 896 01:17:44,826 --> 01:17:46,327 What if this happens again? 897 01:17:46,411 --> 01:17:48,829 What if it fades? Chips? What if it rains? 898 01:17:48,955 --> 01:17:51,082 - Well he come back for touch-ups? - Even if he does, 899 01:17:51,166 --> 01:17:53,167 he's not gonna live forever. 900 01:17:53,210 --> 01:17:56,003 - That's not good. - What are we gonna do? 901 01:17:56,088 --> 01:17:58,547 - He'll have to take the potion. - Yeah! 902 01:17:58,632 --> 01:18:00,591 We'll take him to Leslie’s. She'll talk him into it. 903 01:18:00,676 --> 01:18:03,344 He won't go to Leslie’s. You heard him. He's made up his mend about leaving. 904 01:18:03,470 --> 01:18:06,972 That's true. We have to respect that. 905 01:18:07,015 --> 01:18:10,518 I know. We'll drug him. 906 01:18:10,644 --> 01:18:13,187 Ern, darling. 907 01:18:13,271 --> 01:18:15,815 My taxi here? 908 01:18:15,857 --> 01:18:19,485 We thought you might like some breakfast. 909 01:18:23,573 --> 01:18:27,201 You know, I was just thinking. 910 01:18:27,285 --> 01:18:30,830 I was questioning myself. I was wondering why... 911 01:18:30,914 --> 01:18:33,708 I didn't pack this thing five years ago, 912 01:18:33,750 --> 01:18:37,253 six years ago, ten years ago, instead of sticking around here... 913 01:18:37,337 --> 01:18:41,340 and suffering every indignity and humiliation. 914 01:18:41,383 --> 01:18:45,136 I'll tell ya why. Because I made a promise... 915 01:18:45,220 --> 01:18:47,221 and that meant everything to me. 916 01:18:47,305 --> 01:18:51,058 Yes, it's all very noble to keep your word. 917 01:18:51,143 --> 01:18:53,561 Ernest? Your drink? 918 01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:56,897 Do you know what they call someone who sticks by their word no matter what? 919 01:18:56,940 --> 01:19:00,025 - At the cost of all else? Do you know? - No. 920 01:19:00,068 --> 01:19:04,113 An idiot. From now on I'm gonna be the kind of idiot I wanna be. 921 01:19:04,197 --> 01:19:07,074 An idiot with a modicum of pride, because you know what? 922 01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:10,828 I finally realized something. I've lived up to my promise. 923 01:19:10,912 --> 01:19:14,331 Tell death do us part. 924 01:19:14,416 --> 01:19:18,586 Well, you girls are dead. 925 01:19:18,628 --> 01:19:21,630 And I'm parting. 926 01:19:21,715 --> 01:19:23,924 Cheers. 927 01:19:25,510 --> 01:19:28,220 You know something else? 928 01:19:32,476 --> 01:19:36,604 I drink too much. 929 01:19:39,149 --> 01:19:41,108 What? 930 01:20:22,317 --> 01:20:25,778 I'm glad to see you're awake, Dr. Menville. 931 01:20:32,369 --> 01:20:35,287 I hope you don't mend... 932 01:20:35,330 --> 01:20:39,333 that Harry and Deck had to dress you. 933 01:20:39,417 --> 01:20:44,213 You were improperly attired for the occasion. 934 01:20:44,339 --> 01:20:46,549 What occasion? 935 01:20:47,759 --> 01:20:51,178 I'm throwing a party upstairs. 936 01:20:51,221 --> 01:20:54,849 I throw one every spring for my clients. 937 01:20:54,933 --> 01:20:57,685 All right. 938 01:20:57,769 --> 01:20:59,770 Okay. 939 01:21:06,194 --> 01:21:08,737 - What do you want with me? - To you... 940 01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:14,076 I would like to give a present. 941 01:21:14,077 --> 01:21:16,912 The gift of life... 942 01:21:17,080 --> 01:21:21,542 and youth forever. 943 01:21:27,716 --> 01:21:32,177 I saw your wife and friend. 944 01:21:32,262 --> 01:21:34,430 You did brilliant work. 945 01:21:34,472 --> 01:21:36,348 Show me your hand. 946 01:21:39,811 --> 01:21:43,022 Come on. I won't bite. 947 01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:49,194 What are you doing? 948 01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:53,657 I'm loving you. 949 01:22:45,043 --> 01:22:47,461 My God! 950 01:22:50,131 --> 01:22:52,591 Oh, thank you. 951 01:22:56,805 --> 01:23:01,016 But don't be modest. That's what you do. 952 01:23:01,059 --> 01:23:04,144 This is what you've always done. 953 01:23:04,229 --> 01:23:08,190 Stopped time in people's faces and in their hands. 954 01:23:08,274 --> 01:23:11,402 You are like Don Quixote, 955 01:23:11,486 --> 01:23:15,781 tilting at nature's windmill. 956 01:23:15,824 --> 01:23:18,909 Drink it. 957 01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:21,954 Go on. 958 01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:27,084 It is the completion of your life’s work. 959 01:23:27,168 --> 01:23:30,421 You gave other people youth... 960 01:23:30,463 --> 01:23:33,132 and wasted your own. 961 01:23:33,216 --> 01:23:35,551 Drink! 962 01:23:35,593 --> 01:23:38,762 You'll be able to work again... forever. 963 01:23:38,847 --> 01:23:41,473 Drink. 964 01:23:41,558 --> 01:23:44,184 Drink! Dr. Menville! 965 01:23:44,227 --> 01:23:49,106 You owe yourself another chance. Drink! 966 01:23:49,190 --> 01:23:52,359 Make the right choice! The only choice! 967 01:23:52,402 --> 01:23:55,696 Drink! Siempre viva! 968 01:23:55,739 --> 01:23:58,449 Live forever! 969 01:23:58,533 --> 01:24:01,785 Then what? 970 01:24:01,870 --> 01:24:04,621 What? 971 01:24:04,706 --> 01:24:07,624 - Then what happens? - What? 972 01:24:07,709 --> 01:24:11,545 I don't wanna live forever. 973 01:24:11,629 --> 01:24:15,716 It sounds good, but what am I gonna do? What if I get bored? 974 01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:18,552 - What? - What if I get lonely? 975 01:24:18,595 --> 01:24:20,721 Who am I gonna hang around with, Madeline and Helen? 976 01:24:20,805 --> 01:24:22,890 What if something happens to me? What if I get maimed? 977 01:24:22,974 --> 01:24:26,018 What if I get shot? What if somebody pushes me down... 978 01:24:26,061 --> 01:24:28,645 What if I fall down a flight of stairs or something? 979 01:24:28,730 --> 01:24:32,191 - But you never grow old. - But everybody else well. 980 01:24:32,275 --> 01:24:34,610 I'll have to watch everyone around me dee. 981 01:24:36,112 --> 01:24:38,113 I don't think this is right. 982 01:24:38,198 --> 01:24:40,908 This is not a dream. This is a nightmare. 983 01:24:40,950 --> 01:24:43,243 You people all have to be stopped. 984 01:24:43,369 --> 01:24:46,038 Deck, Tom, Harry. 985 01:24:47,415 --> 01:24:49,708 Get the potion from him! 986 01:24:55,423 --> 01:24:59,259 - Get him! Get him! - Relax. He won't get far. 987 01:24:59,344 --> 01:25:01,720 Not at his age. 988 01:25:43,888 --> 01:25:49,685 Welcome, everyone. Lisle well be down in a few minutes. 989 01:25:54,482 --> 01:25:59,153 First, I must remind all of you who staged your own deaths... 990 01:25:59,237 --> 01:26:02,030 of our very strict policy against... 991 01:26:02,198 --> 01:26:05,993 popping up in public to grab a few headlines. 992 01:26:07,662 --> 01:26:11,665 I won't name names. You know who you are. 993 01:26:14,043 --> 01:26:17,379 I was just trying to have some fun. That's all. 994 01:26:18,673 --> 01:26:20,674 Look! There's Ernest! 995 01:26:22,343 --> 01:26:25,262 Oh, my God! He still looks like hell. 996 01:26:25,346 --> 01:26:27,347 I don't think she gave him the good stuff. 997 01:26:27,432 --> 01:26:30,184 Look! 998 01:26:30,226 --> 01:26:32,603 He's still got it! 999 01:26:34,522 --> 01:26:35,939 Let's go. 1000 01:26:35,982 --> 01:26:38,358 Oh, everybody gather round. 1001 01:26:38,401 --> 01:26:40,360 Lisle well be with us in a very few seconds. 1002 01:26:40,403 --> 01:26:43,197 Gentlemen, please, seal the room. 1003 01:27:06,221 --> 01:27:08,722 He's going up. 1004 01:27:08,765 --> 01:27:10,641 Idiot! 1005 01:27:58,106 --> 01:28:00,190 Oh, boy! 1006 01:28:51,242 --> 01:29:02,336 Ernest! 1007 01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:05,255 - Helen! - Grab it! 1008 01:29:08,551 --> 01:29:10,719 - I... - Ernest! 1009 01:29:10,803 --> 01:29:12,929 Ernest! Grab it! 1010 01:29:13,014 --> 01:29:15,932 Grab it! 1011 01:29:16,017 --> 01:29:18,477 Grab it! Grab it! 1012 01:29:23,608 --> 01:29:27,194 Ernest! Do you still have the potion? Do you still have it? 1013 01:29:27,236 --> 01:29:29,988 Find it! find it! 1014 01:29:30,031 --> 01:29:33,367 It's the only way you'll survive if you fall. 1015 01:29:33,451 --> 01:29:35,827 Drink it! Drink it or you'll dee! 1016 01:29:37,914 --> 01:29:39,831 - Oh! - After you fall, 1017 01:29:39,874 --> 01:29:42,876 you can put yourself back together again. 1018 01:29:44,712 --> 01:29:47,881 Drink it! 1019 01:29:47,965 --> 01:29:50,759 - Drink it. Drink it! - Drink it! 1020 01:29:52,804 --> 01:29:55,389 Drink it! Drink it! 1021 01:29:57,558 --> 01:30:00,060 You have to! 1022 01:30:00,186 --> 01:30:02,813 We need you! 1023 01:30:07,735 --> 01:30:09,945 I'm sorry, dears. 1024 01:30:10,029 --> 01:30:12,739 You're on your own. 1025 01:30:52,196 --> 01:30:54,114 So... 1026 01:30:54,198 --> 01:30:56,700 are you gonna be done soon or what? 1027 01:30:58,494 --> 01:31:03,457 Oh, yes! I'm gonna be done very soon. 1028 01:31:08,171 --> 01:31:11,298 That was pretty neat. 1029 01:31:44,665 --> 01:31:47,834 It'd be better for both of you to get him back. 1030 01:31:47,877 --> 01:31:51,963 - Yes? - Nothing. It's too late. He got away. 1031 01:31:52,006 --> 01:31:54,299 - Damn! - I said we should go to the airport! 1032 01:31:54,342 --> 01:31:57,010 - You said no such thing. - I knew he wasn't coming back here. 1033 01:31:57,094 --> 01:32:00,305 - You have all the answers, don't you? - Ohh! Look! 1034 01:32:00,348 --> 01:32:03,350 - I'm peeling already! - Oh! 1035 01:32:03,392 --> 01:32:06,978 - Me too! - Who's gonna fix this? 1036 01:32:07,021 --> 01:32:09,856 We're in trouble. Ernest is gone. 1037 01:32:09,899 --> 01:32:14,027 We can't go back to Leslie’s. She told us to take care of our bodies. 1038 01:32:14,070 --> 01:32:17,739 - And look at us! We're dead! - Yeah! 1039 01:32:17,865 --> 01:32:20,575 This is so embarrassing. 1040 01:32:20,660 --> 01:32:25,163 You know what this is? This is simply a question of, uh, maintenance! 1041 01:32:25,206 --> 01:32:29,584 Yeah, this is upkeep. We just have to be very careful with ourselves. 1042 01:32:29,710 --> 01:32:32,003 We have to take care of each other. 1043 01:32:32,088 --> 01:32:36,174 I'll paint your ass; you paint mine. 1044 01:32:36,259 --> 01:32:38,426 - Who could have imagined? - Yeah. 1045 01:32:38,427 --> 01:32:41,137 - You and me... together. - Yeah, I know. 1046 01:32:41,222 --> 01:32:44,140 Depending on each other. 1047 01:32:44,225 --> 01:32:47,269 Painting each other's asses. 1048 01:32:47,353 --> 01:32:50,689 - Day and night. - Oh, yeah. Forever. 1049 01:32:50,731 --> 01:32:51,982 Forever. 1050 01:33:01,367 --> 01:33:04,744 We're gathered here today to honor the passing... 1051 01:33:04,787 --> 01:33:08,999 of a man of courage and of vision. 1052 01:33:09,083 --> 01:33:13,962 Now, Dr. Ernest Menville always felt life begins at 50. 1053 01:33:14,046 --> 01:33:17,382 And since we know so little of Ernest before that age, 1054 01:33:17,466 --> 01:33:20,093 perhaps in his case, it's really true. 1055 01:33:20,177 --> 01:33:24,639 Because it wasn't until 50 he met his lovely wife, Claire, 1056 01:33:24,765 --> 01:33:28,435 that he had two sons and four daughters... 1057 01:33:28,519 --> 01:33:31,855 and then like a biblical patriarch... 1058 01:33:31,939 --> 01:33:34,733 began to spread his message of hope... 1059 01:33:34,775 --> 01:33:39,362 to his adopted children all around the world. 1060 01:33:39,447 --> 01:33:44,034 A brilliant academic as well as a rugged outdoorsman, 1061 01:33:44,118 --> 01:33:48,079 Dr. Menville pursued with vigor a variety of pursuits... 1062 01:33:48,122 --> 01:33:51,916 not just to attain some personal ambition... 1063 01:33:51,959 --> 01:33:55,670 but to enhance the world for us... 1064 01:33:55,755 --> 01:34:00,258 and make it a better place than he found it. 1065 01:34:00,384 --> 01:34:02,927 Oh, and that he did. 1066 01:34:02,970 --> 01:34:05,930 The Menville Marriage Counseling Clinic, 1067 01:34:05,973 --> 01:34:09,392 the Menville Center for the Study of Women, 1068 01:34:09,477 --> 01:34:15,023 and of course, Ernest's AA chapter well carry on long after his death. 1069 01:34:25,409 --> 01:34:29,329 ...was for him a delightful adventure. 1070 01:34:29,413 --> 01:34:33,875 Who among us never knew Ernest the prankster? Hmm? 1071 01:34:33,959 --> 01:34:36,378 Ernest the storyteller? 1072 01:34:36,420 --> 01:34:41,966 We've all heard his tall tales about the living dead in Beverly Hells. 1073 01:34:42,051 --> 01:34:47,472 - Ah, but you see... - Oh, what? 1074 01:34:47,556 --> 01:34:52,102 - You're not crying, are you? - I'm not crying. 1075 01:34:52,186 --> 01:34:55,980 I have... something in my eye. 1076 01:34:59,860 --> 01:35:02,654 - Oh! - Yech! 1077 01:35:02,738 --> 01:35:06,074 Oh! Do you have that number 9 acrylic? 1078 01:35:06,075 --> 01:35:08,576 Look. I put it in your bag. 1079 01:35:08,703 --> 01:35:10,829 - Oh! - I must have dropped it somewhere. 1080 01:35:10,871 --> 01:35:14,416 - No. I put it in your bag! - Well. 1081 01:35:14,500 --> 01:35:17,335 Who could drop a big can of spray paint for God's sake? 1082 01:35:17,378 --> 01:35:20,922 I had it when we left the car, okay? 1083 01:35:21,048 --> 01:35:23,675 Let's get the hell outta here. 1084 01:35:23,718 --> 01:35:28,888 I, for one, honestly believe this teacher, this benefactor, 1085 01:35:28,973 --> 01:35:33,977 this man, had in his own way... 1086 01:35:34,061 --> 01:35:38,440 learned the secret of eternal life. 1087 01:35:40,609 --> 01:35:46,489 And it's here, among us, in the hearts of his friends. 1088 01:35:46,574 --> 01:35:51,494 And the secret of eternal youth right here... 1089 01:35:51,579 --> 01:35:56,583 in the lives of his children and his grandchildren. 1090 01:35:56,625 --> 01:36:00,962 It is my opinion that our beloved Ernest... 1091 01:36:01,005 --> 01:36:04,716 is one man who well indeed... 1092 01:36:04,842 --> 01:36:09,471 live forever. 1093 01:36:09,555 --> 01:36:13,016 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1094 01:36:13,225 --> 01:36:15,810 What'd you do with that spray paint can? 1095 01:36:15,936 --> 01:36:19,397 Come on. Get off that. Let me see what kind of a mess you've made of yourself. 1096 01:36:22,151 --> 01:36:24,152 Oh, yeah, you're all runny. 1097 01:36:24,236 --> 01:36:28,406 - I must look ridiculous. - No, I don't think anyone well notice. 1098 01:36:28,449 --> 01:36:31,493 But I think you're gonna need a little bondo on the chen, babe. 1099 01:36:31,577 --> 01:36:34,120 - I gotta get to the hardware store. - Oh, now, come on! 1100 01:36:34,246 --> 01:36:36,456 How could you have lost an entire can of spray paint? 1101 01:36:36,499 --> 01:36:39,584 Why do I have to carry everything? You get to carry a baby purse. 1102 01:36:39,627 --> 01:36:42,003 - Where did you see it last? - If I knew, I'd know where it was. 1103 01:36:42,087 --> 01:36:45,131 - An entire can of spray paint. - Get off it! 1104 01:36:45,174 --> 01:36:47,717 Has that ever worked? When you ask me where I last saw something? 1105 01:36:47,802 --> 01:36:50,637 Yes. When you lost your index finger. 1106 01:36:50,763 --> 01:36:54,224 - I didn't lose it. It broke off. - That's because you crack... 1107 01:36:56,519 --> 01:36:59,979 Help me! My legs aren't working! Help me! 1108 01:37:31,679 --> 01:37:35,431 Do you remember where you parked the car?