1 00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:28,707 [♪ Big Pig - "I Can't Break Away"] 2 00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:28,040 Hi. Welcome to the future. 3 00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,499 San Dimas, California, 2688, 4 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,999 and I'm telling you, it's great here. 5 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,582 The air is clean. The water's clean. 6 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:39,540 Even the dirt is clean. 7 00:02:39,791 --> 00:02:41,499 Bowling averages are way up. 8 00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:43,874 Mini-golf scores are way down. 9 00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,249 And we have more excellent water slides 10 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,999 than any other planet we communicate with. 11 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:52,040 I'm telling you, this place is great. 12 00:02:52,291 --> 00:02:53,832 But it almost wasn't. 13 00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:59,832 You see, 700 years ago, the two great ones ran into a few problems. 14 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,707 So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. 15 00:03:04,041 --> 00:03:06,499 If I should fail to keep these two on the correct path, 16 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:08,749 the basis of our society will be in danger. 17 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,832 Don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional. 18 00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:15,707 I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 19 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,415 And I'm Ted "Theo..." 20 00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:21,540 - Bill, here, you take it. - OK. 21 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,040 - And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan. - Yeah! 22 00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:33,832 [guitar noise] 23 00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:37,957 And we're Wyld Stallyns! 24 00:03:38,125 --> 00:03:42,207 [guitar noise] 25 00:03:42,416 --> 00:03:45,499 [amp overloads] 26 00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:50,207 Let's bail. 27 00:03:50,416 --> 00:03:52,165 [coughing] 28 00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:01,665 We blew it. 29 00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:04,707 Guess we used too much power. 30 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:06,832 I liked it. 31 00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:13,665 Ted, while I agree that in time our band will be most triumphant, 32 00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:16,749 the truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band 33 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,957 until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar. 34 00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:23,374 Yes, Bill, but... I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen 35 00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:25,249 until we have a triumphant video. 36 00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:28,082 Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video 37 00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:30,874 before we even have decent instruments. 38 00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:34,207 Well, how can we have decent instruments when we don't really even know how to play? 39 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,832 That is why we need Eddie Van Halen. 40 00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:39,915 And that is why we need a triumphant video. 41 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,332 - Excellent! - Excellent! 42 00:04:43,541 --> 00:04:44,457 [♪ guitar noodling] 43 00:04:44,708 --> 00:04:46,374 [cuckoo clock chimes] 44 00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,165 Uh-oh. 45 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:49,999 - We're late. - For what? 46 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,957 - For school, dude. - Oh, yeah. 47 00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:58,582 [engine revving] 48 00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,040 Bill, I'm waiting. 49 00:05:06,416 --> 00:05:07,332 He's dead? 50 00:05:07,458 --> 00:05:09,207 [laughter] 51 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,707 So Bill, what you're telling me, essentially, 52 00:05:11,958 --> 00:05:16,874 is that Napoleon was a short, dead dude. 53 00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:19,790 Well, yeah. 54 00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:22,415 You totally blew it, dude. 55 00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,790 - Ted, stand up. - Stand up? 56 00:05:24,916 --> 00:05:26,290 Yes, son, stand up. 57 00:05:29,208 --> 00:05:32,624 Now... who was Joan of Arc? 58 00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:36,749 Noah's wife? 59 00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:40,249 - [laughter] - [bell rings] 60 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:45,374 Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow, final report, 1:30 to 3:30, OK? 61 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:52,832 Hey, guys. 62 00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:59,249 Mr. Ryan, before you say anything, 63 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:04,749 my distinguished colleague Ted and I wish to express to you our thanks 64 00:06:04,916 --> 00:06:07,290 for all the things we have learned in your class. 65 00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,540 And what have you learned? 66 00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:14,290 We have, uh... 67 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,457 We've learned that the world has a great history. 68 00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:21,540 Yes, and that thanks to great leaders 69 00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:24,707 Such as... Genghis Khan, 70 00:06:24,916 --> 00:06:27,415 Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method, 71 00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:31,624 the world is... full of history. 72 00:06:34,791 --> 00:06:36,540 It seems to me the only thing you have learned 73 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:40,249 is that Caesar... 74 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,415 is a salad dressing dude. 75 00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:46,082 Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple. 76 00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,415 You have flunked every section of this class. 77 00:06:49,916 --> 00:06:53,624 Now unless you get an A-plus on your final oral report tomorrow... 78 00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:57,832 ...guys, I have no choice but to flunk the both of you. 79 00:06:58,958 --> 00:07:02,332 Now you know your topics, so I would suggest that you at least 80 00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:06,665 cover those areas if you want to pass the course. 81 00:07:07,416 --> 00:07:09,624 - Understand? - Yes, sir. 82 00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:11,457 OK. 83 00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:14,915 Guys. 84 00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:19,874 Your report had better be something very special. 85 00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:24,040 Ah, man. 86 00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:29,415 Well, what are we supposed to know for our report? 87 00:07:29,625 --> 00:07:30,707 I'm not sure. 88 00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:34,124 One thing I know is that Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife. 89 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,082 Well then, who is Noah's wife? 90 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:38,832 I don't know, Ted. 91 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,790 But I do know we're in serious trouble. 92 00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,165 Listen to this: 93 00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:47,374 "Express to the class how an important historical figure 94 00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:53,040 "from each of your time periods would view the world of San Dimas, 1988." 95 00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:58,124 We are in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Ted. 96 00:07:58,333 --> 00:07:59,249 [horn honks] 97 00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,124 Hi, Bill. Want a ride? 98 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:02,249 Sure, Missy. 99 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:04,665 I mean, Mom. 100 00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:09,915 - Your stepmom's cute. - Shut up, Ted. 101 00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:11,790 Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen? 102 00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:13,332 Shut up, Ted! 103 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,665 I'll be right back, as soon as I get my books. 104 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,374 Ted. 105 00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:38,082 What are you doing home, Dad? 106 00:08:38,291 --> 00:08:40,082 - I'm looking for my keys. - Oh. 107 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:42,207 You haven't done anything with them, have you? 108 00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:44,874 No, sir. 109 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,207 I spoke to your principal today, Ted. 110 00:08:47,458 --> 00:08:49,165 He said you're failing history. 111 00:08:49,416 --> 00:08:51,290 - Me and Bill... - He also said 112 00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:53,915 that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. 113 00:08:55,541 --> 00:08:57,915 You know what that would mean, don't you, Ted? 114 00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:02,040 That I would have to go to Oats Military Academy, sir. 115 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:05,540 Uh-huh. I spoke to Colonel Oats this morning. 116 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,915 He's anxious to meet you, Ted. 117 00:09:20,750 --> 00:09:22,332 [car starts] 118 00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:29,915 Dude, we gotta pass. Otherwise there's no more band. 119 00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:31,249 Why? 120 00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:34,290 My dad's sending me to military school. 121 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,082 Where? 122 00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:38,957 Alaska. 123 00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:41,707 Alaska... 124 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,915 [♪ rock music] 125 00:09:48,791 --> 00:09:49,832 It is time. 126 00:09:49,958 --> 00:09:52,832 Their separation is imminent. 127 00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,040 [♪ rock music continues] 128 00:09:57,208 --> 00:09:59,332 [whooshing] 129 00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:02,082 [crash] 130 00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:08,457 [electricity sparking] 131 00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:20,999 [♪ rock music continues] 132 00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:24,290 Be excellent to each other. 133 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:28,040 Party on, dude. 134 00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:31,874 [♪ rock music continues] 135 00:10:35,541 --> 00:10:37,165 [keypad bleeps] 136 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:46,790 [electricity sparking] 137 00:10:47,708 --> 00:10:50,082 [whooshing] 138 00:10:56,541 --> 00:10:58,415 OK, Ted. George Washington. 139 00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:00,957 One: the father of our country. 140 00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:03,874 Two: born on President's Day. 141 00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,874 Three: the dollar bill guy. 142 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,790 Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? 143 00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:11,332 Ted... Alaska. 144 00:11:13,458 --> 00:11:16,707 OK. Um... 145 00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:20,249 Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick. 146 00:11:21,583 --> 00:11:23,624 That's Captain Ahab, dude. 147 00:11:25,166 --> 00:11:29,040 Oh, wait. Remember Disney World, the Hall of Presidents? 148 00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:31,165 Yeah, good, what'd he say? 149 00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,624 "Welcome to the Hall of Presidents." 150 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:39,124 Hi, I brought you guys some food. 151 00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,790 It's your mom, dude! 152 00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:54,999 How's it going, guys? 153 00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:57,665 Bad. 154 00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:01,707 We are destined to flunk most egregiously tomorrow. 155 00:12:01,958 --> 00:12:06,790 And I am destined to end up at Oats Military Academy. 156 00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:09,457 And then we will never start our band. 157 00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:14,707 Good. Good. 158 00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:22,457 - What are you guys studying anyway? - History. 159 00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:24,540 - Mr. Ryan? - Uh-huh. 160 00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,665 Tell him, "hi". 161 00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:29,915 Why don't you guys take a dinner break? 162 00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:32,415 Thanks, Dad. 163 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,624 [♪ rock music continues] 164 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,915 Now your dad's going for it... in your own room! 165 00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:51,874 Shut up, Ted. 166 00:12:52,125 --> 00:12:55,040 - Your stepmom is cute, though. - Shut up, Ted. 167 00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:56,624 Remember when I asked her to the prom? 168 00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,374 Shut up, Ted! 169 00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:04,832 1275, 1275, 1275... 170 00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:09,415 OK, the lady in that car over there 171 00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:13,249 said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275. 172 00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:16,082 So it's not just a water sport, I knew it. 173 00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:20,707 Excuse me, when did the Mongols rule China? 174 00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:23,582 I don't know. I just work here. 175 00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:30,749 Well, you wanna try the Thrifty Mart? 176 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:31,874 Sure. 177 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:40,874 [thunder rumbling] 178 00:13:43,416 --> 00:13:45,290 [electricity sparking] 179 00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,790 Whoa! 180 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,999 Not bad. 181 00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:02,957 Greetings, my excellent friends. 182 00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:06,665 Do you know when the Mongols ruled China? 183 00:14:06,916 --> 00:14:11,124 Well... perhaps we could ask them. 184 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:17,249 Bill S. Preston, Esquire... 185 00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,874 ...and Ted "Theodore" Logan. 186 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:25,457 Gentlemen, I'm here to help you with your history report. 187 00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:27,540 What? 188 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,040 How? 189 00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,915 Whoa! 190 00:14:32,041 --> 00:14:33,957 - Whoo! - I hate that part. 191 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,415 - Bill? - What? 192 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:41,124 Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. 193 00:14:46,958 --> 00:14:49,540 Dudes, you guys are gonna go back in time. 194 00:14:49,791 --> 00:14:50,707 Yeah! 195 00:14:50,916 --> 00:14:54,957 You are going to have a most excellent adventure through history. 196 00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:58,624 - Who are you guys? - We're you, dude! 197 00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:02,624 No way. No way! 198 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:05,874 - Yes way, Ted! - Look, we know how you feel. 199 00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,249 We didn't believe it either when we were you 200 00:15:08,458 --> 00:15:11,207 and we-us said what we-us are saying right now. 201 00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:16,082 OK wait, if you guys are really us... 202 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,415 ...what number are we thinking of? 203 00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,582 Sixty-nine, dudes! 204 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:25,665 Whoa! 205 00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:29,332 [they imitate electric guitar] 206 00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,290 Look, we've gotta go. 207 00:15:31,416 --> 00:15:34,040 Yeah, we gotta get back to the report. 208 00:15:34,291 --> 00:15:35,874 Rufus! 209 00:15:36,875 --> 00:15:39,790 Listen to this dude, Rufus. He knows what he's talking about. 210 00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:43,624 Right. Oh, and Ted, give my love to the princesses. 211 00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:47,165 - Who? - You'll see. 212 00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,707 Gentleman... is everything all right? 213 00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,540 Yeah, except, how come... 214 00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:57,290 Ted, don't forget to wind your watch! 215 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,790 Thanks, Rufus. 216 00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:05,415 Catch ya later, Bill and Ted. 217 00:16:09,708 --> 00:16:11,332 [electricity sparking] 218 00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:19,874 Dude, are you sure we should be doing this? 219 00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:23,874 Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, 220 00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:28,040 but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. 221 00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:30,624 Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy. 222 00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:33,582 What if we were lying? 223 00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:38,124 Why would we lie to ourselves? 224 00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:45,707 How are you gonna help us? 225 00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:48,249 Yeah, are you gonna call someone and get the answers? 226 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,749 Gentlemen, we're gonna do a lot more than that. 227 00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:52,707 [keypad bleeps] 228 00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:56,415 Whoa. Excellent. 229 00:16:59,041 --> 00:17:00,874 Brace yourselves, amigos. 230 00:17:03,625 --> 00:17:05,665 [electricity sparking] 231 00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:11,082 Gentlemen... 232 00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:14,165 ...we're history. 233 00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:19,290 [Bill and Ted screaming] 234 00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:20,999 [whooshing] 235 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,124 Rufus, where are we, dude? 236 00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:29,040 These are the circuits of history, gentlemen. 237 00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:31,582 They'll take us to any point in time we wish. 238 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:33,874 How? 239 00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:36,540 Modern technology, William. 240 00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:39,040 Whoa! 241 00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:40,999 [whooshing] 242 00:17:42,708 --> 00:17:44,749 [Bill and Ted screaming] 243 00:17:54,458 --> 00:17:58,332 - That was most unprecedented, Rufus. - Yeah. 244 00:18:00,291 --> 00:18:01,832 But where are we, Rufus? 245 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:08,082 Austria, 1805. The French have just invaded. 246 00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:10,082 [cannons firing] 247 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:13,457 Bill, check it out! 248 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,749 We're in the middle of a war, dude! 249 00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:19,124 [cannons firing] 250 00:18:23,916 --> 00:18:26,124 [speaking French] 251 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,957 Amigos, time to depart. 252 00:18:34,416 --> 00:18:36,374 How's it going, dude? 253 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,999 Blow them up. 254 00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:42,582 MOVE IT! 255 00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:50,582 - [explosion] - [Napoleon screams] 256 00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:53,957 [electricity sparking] 257 00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:56,124 [Napoleon screaming] 258 00:18:58,583 --> 00:19:01,082 - [whooshing] - [Napoleon screaming] 259 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,707 [electricity sparking] 260 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,457 Now where are we, dude? 261 00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,540 Oh, it's my house. 262 00:19:15,791 --> 00:19:20,207 Rufus, can we go anywhere we want, at any time? 263 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,499 Gentlemen, you can do anything you want, as long as you remember this: 264 00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:27,707 no matter what happens, you must get to that report. Got it? 265 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,457 All right, amigos, that book will give you the number 266 00:19:31,625 --> 00:19:36,082 of any place you want to go. Now, most important, 267 00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:38,790 no matter what you do, no matter where you go, 268 00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:44,624 that clock, the clock in San Dimas, is always running. Got it? 269 00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:48,124 - Yeah. - All right, time for me to go. 270 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,665 What do you mean, Rufus? 271 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:51,540 Yeah, aren't you coming with us? 272 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,540 Gentlemen, you're on your own. 273 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,540 [♪ futuristic synth music] 274 00:19:58,583 --> 00:20:00,707 [electricity sparking] 275 00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:03,790 [whooshing] 276 00:20:05,458 --> 00:20:06,624 [lightning crackles] 277 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,582 [electricity sparking] 278 00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:11,749 - Ted? - What? 279 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,707 This has been a most unusual day. 280 00:20:14,833 --> 00:20:15,915 - [branch cracking] - [thud] 281 00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:27,290 - Ted, it's Napoleon. - Who? 282 00:20:27,541 --> 00:20:30,374 The short, dead dude from our history review. 283 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,832 Ted, I have a most excellent idea. 284 00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,332 Grab his legs, we gotta get him inside. 285 00:20:38,416 --> 00:20:40,832 I think I've figured out a way to pass our report. 286 00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:42,040 How? 287 00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,374 Well, we've got one historical figure here. 288 00:20:44,583 --> 00:20:46,707 Maybe we can go back and get some more. 289 00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,124 Yeah! 290 00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:51,582 Deacon, you have to watch this guy. 291 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:56,249 His name is Napoleon. He is a very famous French dude. 292 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,165 We have decided to collect other important figures from history 293 00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,999 for an oral report we are doing. 294 00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:04,624 While we are gone, you are not to let him out of your sight. 295 00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,624 Here is some money. 296 00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:08,749 Take him to the movies or something. 297 00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:20,207 Napoleon, I am Bill. 298 00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:25,040 We'll take you back to France after you tell us what you think of San Dimas. 299 00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:28,624 - This is Ted's little brother, Deacon. - Hi. 300 00:21:28,875 --> 00:21:30,290 He'll take care of you. 301 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,374 - Ready, Ted? - Ready, Bill. 302 00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:39,165 Let's go back into history. 303 00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:40,749 [♪ guitar noodling] 304 00:21:43,916 --> 00:21:45,999 This should be most triumphant. 305 00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:48,832 I want to speak with you, son. 306 00:21:50,416 --> 00:21:52,082 Alone, please, Bill? 307 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,457 All right, sit down. 308 00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:01,749 What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't... 309 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,040 Great. 310 00:22:03,541 --> 00:22:06,457 You lose my keys. You fail history. 311 00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:08,415 You spend all your time with your loser friend 312 00:22:08,666 --> 00:22:10,499 planning a band that'll never happen. 313 00:22:10,750 --> 00:22:13,040 Now you're not to leave this house again until tomorrow morning. 314 00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:14,499 [phone rings] 315 00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:19,999 - Yes? - Captain Logan? 316 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:23,374 This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station. 317 00:22:23,666 --> 00:22:24,707 Deputy Van Halen? 318 00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:31,499 - [♪ guitar noodling] - I'm new, dude...sir. 319 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,374 Look, we found your keys, 320 00:22:34,625 --> 00:22:38,207 and if you want 'em, you better come and get 'em. 321 00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:40,832 [click, dial tone] 322 00:22:41,333 --> 00:22:44,874 When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. 323 00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:46,082 Got it? 324 00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:55,165 We are in serious trouble. 325 00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:58,540 My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tomorrow night. 326 00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:01,749 Only if we fail, dude. 327 00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:07,707 No way! 328 00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:13,082 OK, we got Sigmund Frood, Beeth-oven... Uh... 329 00:23:13,291 --> 00:23:17,582 Is there one for Western Movement in America in the 19th Century? 330 00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:19,874 Yeah! 331 00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,582 Well then... 332 00:23:23,458 --> 00:23:25,332 ...let's reach out and touch someone. 333 00:23:27,416 --> 00:23:29,832 [keypad bleeps] 334 00:23:32,041 --> 00:23:34,999 [electricity sparking] 335 00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:38,582 [whooshing] 336 00:23:41,208 --> 00:23:43,415 [electricity sparking] 337 00:23:48,083 --> 00:23:50,832 [whooshing, Bill and Ted screaming] 338 00:23:51,708 --> 00:23:54,207 [humming] 339 00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:02,749 [humming and farting] 340 00:24:05,333 --> 00:24:09,582 [rumbling, electricity sparking] 341 00:24:14,791 --> 00:24:16,540 How's it going, Old West Dude? 342 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:21,707 Hey, Bill, this is just like Frontierland. 343 00:24:21,958 --> 00:24:24,249 Yeah, but you can get shot here, Ted. 344 00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:25,707 Oh. 345 00:24:25,958 --> 00:24:28,540 - Just try to act natural. - OK. 346 00:24:32,333 --> 00:24:33,790 - Howdy, partner. - Howdy. 347 00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:35,582 Watch out for the horse crap, Ted. 348 00:24:35,833 --> 00:24:37,832 Ugh. Thanks, dude. 349 00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:40,249 - Hey, Bill, I'm totally thirsty. - Me too. 350 00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:57,415 Two beers, please. 351 00:25:02,791 --> 00:25:05,374 Whoa! He didn't even card us, dude! 352 00:25:05,625 --> 00:25:08,207 Yeah, we have to remember this place. 353 00:25:13,541 --> 00:25:16,707 So, who should we take with us? 354 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:18,874 [gunshot] 355 00:25:24,041 --> 00:25:25,874 [suspenseful music] 356 00:25:27,958 --> 00:25:30,415 - Who's he? - He's Billy the Kid. 357 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,457 He's famous, dude. Let's bag him. 358 00:25:35,583 --> 00:25:37,374 [footsteps] 359 00:25:38,541 --> 00:25:40,332 I need two men. 360 00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:43,207 Who's with me? 361 00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:45,832 We're with you, Billy the Kid! 362 00:25:47,375 --> 00:25:49,207 [footsteps] 363 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,749 Here's the deal. What I win, I keep. 364 00:25:59,916 --> 00:26:02,999 What you win, I keep. 365 00:26:03,916 --> 00:26:06,540 Sounds good, Mr. The Kid. 366 00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:24,832 Dude, you gotta have a poker face, like me. 367 00:26:29,916 --> 00:26:31,874 Whoa! Three aces! 368 00:26:33,375 --> 00:26:35,540 What the hell's going on here, Billy? 369 00:26:37,375 --> 00:26:39,249 Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid? 370 00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:42,332 Cheatin'? 371 00:26:43,291 --> 00:26:43,915 Me? 372 00:26:44,750 --> 00:26:46,290 [yells] 373 00:26:49,625 --> 00:26:51,999 [glass breaking] 374 00:26:57,791 --> 00:26:59,249 Billy! 375 00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:02,457 [glass breaking] 376 00:27:03,083 --> 00:27:04,457 Excellent! 377 00:27:04,583 --> 00:27:06,082 [glass breaking] 378 00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:14,790 Look, we're totally weak. 379 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,040 We can't possibly fight you. 380 00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:20,832 However, how would you gentlemen like... 381 00:27:21,458 --> 00:27:23,332 ...free passes to Waterloops? 382 00:27:23,416 --> 00:27:25,957 Home of excellent water slides. 383 00:27:26,875 --> 00:27:28,832 Nice try, dude. 384 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,540 Whoa! 385 00:27:37,875 --> 00:27:39,540 - Whoa! - Whoa! 386 00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:40,832 What? 387 00:27:42,958 --> 00:27:44,124 Come on. 388 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:49,249 - Look! - It's the Goodyear blimp. 389 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:50,374 Huh? 390 00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:58,624 I can't believe they fell for that! 391 00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:02,124 Yeah! 392 00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:05,165 - Let's get 'em! - Let's kill 'em! 393 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:07,749 Come on! 394 00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:12,832 - You guys saved my life. - Nothing doing, Billy the Kid. 395 00:28:13,041 --> 00:28:15,582 - Where we going? - The Golden Age of Civilisation. 396 00:28:15,833 --> 00:28:17,915 - Where? - Ancient Greece, dude. 397 00:28:18,125 --> 00:28:21,124 Don't worry, we'll bring you back here as soon as you talk in our report. 398 00:28:21,416 --> 00:28:22,915 [electricity sparking] 399 00:28:23,166 --> 00:28:23,957 What?! 400 00:28:25,666 --> 00:28:27,332 [whooshing, electricity sparking] 401 00:28:30,166 --> 00:28:31,415 What the...? 402 00:28:46,625 --> 00:28:49,582 [speaking ancient Greek] 403 00:28:58,833 --> 00:29:00,332 Socrates. 404 00:29:01,125 --> 00:29:03,082 - Hey, we know that name. - Yeah! 405 00:29:03,291 --> 00:29:05,374 Hey, look him up. 406 00:29:06,125 --> 00:29:09,540 - Oh. It's under So-crates. - Oh, yeah. 407 00:29:13,583 --> 00:29:15,374 "So-crates: 408 00:29:15,625 --> 00:29:20,290 "'The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing."' 409 00:29:22,791 --> 00:29:25,707 - That's us, dude! - Oh, yeah! 410 00:29:26,583 --> 00:29:28,290 - Let's bag him. - Yeah. 411 00:29:29,083 --> 00:29:30,165 So you see... 412 00:29:31,250 --> 00:29:33,832 our lives are but specks of dust 413 00:29:34,708 --> 00:29:36,874 falling through the fingers 414 00:29:38,416 --> 00:29:39,415 of time. 415 00:29:44,666 --> 00:29:46,082 How's it going? 416 00:29:54,958 --> 00:29:57,832 I'm Bill, this is Ted. 417 00:29:58,041 --> 00:29:59,290 We're from the future. 418 00:30:01,541 --> 00:30:04,124 Socrates. Hm... 419 00:30:04,875 --> 00:30:06,249 Now what? 420 00:30:07,458 --> 00:30:08,790 I don't know. 421 00:30:10,166 --> 00:30:11,999 Philosophise with him. 422 00:30:15,625 --> 00:30:16,290 [clears throat] 423 00:30:17,625 --> 00:30:22,540 All we are is dust in the wind, dude. 424 00:30:30,708 --> 00:30:31,749 Dust. 425 00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:33,457 [blows] 426 00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:35,999 - Wind. - Dude. 427 00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:43,290 Yes! Like sands of the hourglass, 428 00:30:43,291 --> 00:30:46,707 Yes! Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. 429 00:30:48,291 --> 00:30:49,832 Let's get out of here, dude. 430 00:30:50,041 --> 00:30:51,790 [laughing] 431 00:30:53,208 --> 00:30:54,165 [whooshing] 432 00:30:55,375 --> 00:30:57,040 [screaming, electricity sparking] 433 00:30:57,250 --> 00:30:59,540 Whoa! 434 00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,124 All right! 435 00:31:05,708 --> 00:31:07,040 Yee-ha! 436 00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:09,124 Not bad, eh, So-crates? 437 00:31:10,791 --> 00:31:14,832 - Where are we, dude? - England, 15th century. 438 00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:17,665 We are in most excellent shape for our report. 439 00:31:17,875 --> 00:31:20,374 Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval. 440 00:31:20,625 --> 00:31:21,874 Excellent. 441 00:31:22,125 --> 00:31:25,332 Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel 442 00:31:25,625 --> 00:31:27,415 with the greatest of ease. 443 00:31:29,041 --> 00:31:30,707 Excuse me. 444 00:31:31,041 --> 00:31:34,124 Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance 445 00:31:34,416 --> 00:31:35,874 around here? 446 00:31:39,125 --> 00:31:40,707 Whoa! 447 00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,415 Check it out. 448 00:31:46,333 --> 00:31:48,207 It must be the castle of King Henry. 449 00:31:49,166 --> 00:31:50,707 Let's go, dude! 450 00:31:52,583 --> 00:31:54,540 Billy, guard the booth. 451 00:31:55,291 --> 00:31:57,040 And watch So-crates. 452 00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:01,249 So-crates. 453 00:32:01,458 --> 00:32:04,832 So, who should we get from medieval? 454 00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:09,540 How about that gnarly old goat dude? 455 00:32:11,166 --> 00:32:12,540 Ted? 456 00:32:13,958 --> 00:32:15,124 I'm in love, dude. 457 00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:20,999 Whoa! 458 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,582 Those must be the princesses you told yourself about at the Circle K. 459 00:32:28,458 --> 00:32:32,165 We gotta go, it's a history report, not a babe report. 460 00:32:33,041 --> 00:32:34,415 But Bill... 461 00:32:35,291 --> 00:32:38,415 ...those are historical babes. 462 00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,374 OK, you're the ladies man, 463 00:32:43,583 --> 00:32:45,374 how we gonna meet 'em? 464 00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:56,499 Excellent. 465 00:32:56,708 --> 00:32:58,624 [grunting, metal clanging] 466 00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:06,540 - Bill? - What? 467 00:33:06,750 --> 00:33:10,374 - These are heavy. - Yeah, heavy metal. 468 00:33:11,875 --> 00:33:13,249 [♪ guitar noodling] 469 00:33:16,375 --> 00:33:18,290 We gotta go find the princesses. 470 00:33:18,541 --> 00:33:20,374 Yeah. 471 00:33:20,625 --> 00:33:21,707 Watch it! 472 00:33:22,666 --> 00:33:24,415 Who turned out all the lights? 473 00:33:24,625 --> 00:33:26,749 - Hey, Bill? - What? 474 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,249 I'm Darth Ted. 475 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,707 Yeah, well I'm Luke Bill. And you're not my father! 476 00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:37,999 Come on! 477 00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:39,582 [metal clanging] 478 00:33:39,791 --> 00:33:42,582 Beat you I will, yes. 479 00:33:45,791 --> 00:33:46,999 Hey! 480 00:33:47,250 --> 00:33:49,540 I totally conquered you, dude! 481 00:33:49,791 --> 00:33:51,207 No way! 482 00:33:51,416 --> 00:33:53,082 Come on! 483 00:33:54,625 --> 00:33:56,457 I'll never rule the universe with you. 484 00:33:59,416 --> 00:34:00,374 - Hey, Bill. - What? 485 00:34:00,625 --> 00:34:02,040 We totally know how to sword fight. 486 00:34:02,291 --> 00:34:04,665 Yeah! 487 00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:07,540 Ah! Whoa! 488 00:34:08,208 --> 00:34:11,124 [crashing] 489 00:34:15,958 --> 00:34:17,207 Ted. 490 00:34:27,583 --> 00:34:28,957 Ted. 491 00:34:31,125 --> 00:34:33,332 Search the castle, there might be more of them. 492 00:35:05,208 --> 00:35:07,582 [metal clanging] 493 00:35:08,416 --> 00:35:10,332 Get out of here! 494 00:35:11,916 --> 00:35:14,040 [♪ sorrowful music] 495 00:35:15,916 --> 00:35:16,999 Bogus. 496 00:35:19,625 --> 00:35:20,957 Heinous. 497 00:35:21,958 --> 00:35:22,915 [metal clanging] 498 00:35:24,541 --> 00:35:26,957 Most non-triumphant. 499 00:35:31,125 --> 00:35:33,207 Ah, Ted... 500 00:35:34,416 --> 00:35:37,249 don't be dead, dude. 501 00:35:38,791 --> 00:35:40,665 [footsteps approach] 502 00:35:45,833 --> 00:35:48,874 You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed! 503 00:35:49,916 --> 00:35:52,082 [screaming] 504 00:36:05,083 --> 00:36:06,749 [birds tweeting] 505 00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:12,332 Whoa! 506 00:36:13,750 --> 00:36:16,415 - Ted, you're alive! - Yeah! 507 00:36:16,583 --> 00:36:18,790 I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor. 508 00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:22,915 [both] Fag. 509 00:36:24,083 --> 00:36:26,082 Dude, you totally boned that dude in the head! 510 00:36:26,291 --> 00:36:27,415 Yeah! 511 00:36:27,625 --> 00:36:29,249 He's a total bonehead. 512 00:36:29,833 --> 00:36:32,707 ...that fat old man. I must find a way to escape before the night. 513 00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,540 But how? 514 00:36:36,166 --> 00:36:38,332 - What's that? - Whoa... 515 00:36:39,333 --> 00:36:40,540 It's those boys. 516 00:36:40,791 --> 00:36:42,832 I can't believe they're here. 517 00:36:45,791 --> 00:36:48,207 How's it going, ladies? 518 00:36:49,583 --> 00:36:51,332 You're the ones we saw in front of the castle. 519 00:36:53,875 --> 00:36:57,040 I am Ted of San Dimas. 520 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,874 And, uh... I bring to you a message of love. 521 00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:08,832 - From who? - From... from myself. 522 00:37:09,125 --> 00:37:11,790 And what is this message you speak of? 523 00:37:13,083 --> 00:37:14,790 Uh... 524 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,957 Lyrics, dude. Recite 'em some lyrics. 525 00:37:22,291 --> 00:37:25,957 Oh, you beautiful babes from England, 526 00:37:26,166 --> 00:37:28,124 for whom we have travelled through time. 527 00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:32,082 Will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? 528 00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:35,999 - We will have a most triumphant time. - Way to go, dude. 529 00:37:36,250 --> 00:37:39,874 - Joanna! Elizabeth! - It's father! 530 00:37:49,875 --> 00:37:52,290 - What does your father want? - We're to be married 531 00:37:52,541 --> 00:37:55,707 - to two horrible old men today. - No way! 532 00:37:55,958 --> 00:37:57,790 Will you help us escape? 533 00:37:59,125 --> 00:38:01,207 Of course, babes. 534 00:38:05,958 --> 00:38:08,207 How's it going, royal ugly dudes? 535 00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:14,415 I am the Earl of Preston. 536 00:38:14,625 --> 00:38:18,207 And I am the Duke of Ted. 537 00:38:31,666 --> 00:38:34,874 Put them in the iron maiden. 538 00:38:35,208 --> 00:38:36,749 Iron Maiden? 539 00:38:36,958 --> 00:38:39,249 - Excellent! - [♪ guitar noodling] 540 00:38:39,458 --> 00:38:40,540 Execute them! 541 00:38:41,541 --> 00:38:43,082 Bogus. 542 00:38:45,500 --> 00:38:46,832 We'll save you, babes! 543 00:38:50,458 --> 00:38:52,415 Witches! Heretics! 544 00:38:52,625 --> 00:38:55,582 I saw them! They fell from the sky! 545 00:38:55,916 --> 00:38:58,124 Heretics! 546 00:38:58,291 --> 00:39:00,082 They fell out of the sky! 547 00:39:01,083 --> 00:39:05,040 They had fire in their eyes, and they had horns! 548 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,415 [♪ fanfare] 549 00:39:14,541 --> 00:39:15,749 Off with their heads! 550 00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:17,165 Oh, no. 551 00:39:21,958 --> 00:39:23,749 - Bill? - What? 552 00:39:24,083 --> 00:39:28,790 I believe our adventure through time has taken a most serious turn. 553 00:39:36,125 --> 00:39:37,040 Huh? 554 00:39:40,291 --> 00:39:41,915 - Billy! - So-crates! 555 00:39:42,250 --> 00:39:43,582 Let's go! 556 00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:47,415 - Guards! After them! - Ah! 557 00:39:47,708 --> 00:39:50,374 - So-crates! - Bye, babes! 558 00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:54,415 Catch you later, medieval dudes. 559 00:39:55,125 --> 00:39:57,207 Kill them! Guards! 560 00:39:57,958 --> 00:39:59,957 [horses galloping] 561 00:40:01,625 --> 00:40:03,374 Stop them! Stop them! 562 00:40:05,791 --> 00:40:07,040 Hurry up, Billy! 563 00:40:07,250 --> 00:40:08,249 [crash] 564 00:40:08,458 --> 00:40:09,374 Get out of the way! 565 00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:11,874 Move out of the way! Come on, get out of here! 566 00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:13,749 [pig squealing] 567 00:40:16,458 --> 00:40:18,040 [crashing] 568 00:40:20,208 --> 00:40:21,790 [horse galloping] 569 00:40:25,708 --> 00:40:27,665 [screaming] 570 00:40:44,541 --> 00:40:47,332 Whoa! 571 00:40:54,333 --> 00:40:55,249 [keypad bleeps] 572 00:40:55,541 --> 00:40:56,749 Dial fast, dude! 573 00:40:59,875 --> 00:41:02,415 I'm sorry, the number you have dialled is not in service at this time. 574 00:41:02,625 --> 00:41:04,415 Please check your directory and dial again. 575 00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:06,499 - Oh, no. - Party on, dude. 576 00:41:07,041 --> 00:41:08,915 [horses galloping] 577 00:41:10,291 --> 00:41:11,374 Bill! 578 00:41:13,291 --> 00:41:15,207 OK, I got one, let's go! 579 00:41:18,416 --> 00:41:20,957 [screaming] 580 00:41:21,166 --> 00:41:22,957 [electricity sparking] 581 00:41:23,666 --> 00:41:24,624 [crash] 582 00:41:25,583 --> 00:41:28,290 [screaming, whooshing] 583 00:41:31,666 --> 00:41:34,749 [electricity sparking] 584 00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:50,915 You guys stay here. 585 00:41:54,125 --> 00:41:56,082 Where are we, dude? 586 00:41:57,333 --> 00:41:58,665 I don't know. 587 00:42:00,291 --> 00:42:02,707 They sure do play excellent music. 588 00:42:02,958 --> 00:42:04,957 Most outstanding. 589 00:42:08,166 --> 00:42:11,540 [♪ Robbie Rob: "In Time"] 590 00:42:24,541 --> 00:42:27,165 - It's you. - Yeah! 591 00:42:27,416 --> 00:42:28,999 It's us! 592 00:42:29,208 --> 00:42:30,749 Who are we? 593 00:42:34,791 --> 00:42:41,040 ♪ The time is almost here 594 00:42:43,750 --> 00:42:52,457 ♪ Our dreams will all come true, I promise you 595 00:42:52,583 --> 00:43:00,790 ♪ 'Cause I can see for miles and miles 596 00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:08,165 ♪ In time, we'll be dancing in the streets all night 597 00:43:08,291 --> 00:43:10,374 ♪ (all night, all night) 598 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:16,749 ♪ In time, yes, everything will be all right 599 00:43:20,541 --> 00:43:23,374 Bill, I think they want us to say something. 600 00:43:24,666 --> 00:43:26,249 What should I say? 601 00:43:27,458 --> 00:43:28,624 Make something up. 602 00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:40,040 Be excellent to each other. 603 00:43:40,708 --> 00:43:43,124 [excited murmuring] 604 00:43:46,750 --> 00:43:48,374 Party on, dudes! 605 00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:51,457 Good one, dude. 606 00:43:56,333 --> 00:43:59,540 Well, we gotta get back to our report. 607 00:43:59,750 --> 00:44:01,499 Yeah, we'd take you with us, 608 00:44:01,708 --> 00:44:05,499 but it's a history report, not a future report. 609 00:44:09,083 --> 00:44:10,290 Later. 610 00:44:11,166 --> 00:44:12,457 [all] Later. 611 00:44:15,791 --> 00:44:17,707 Let's get back and do our report. 612 00:44:17,958 --> 00:44:19,707 Good idea. 613 00:44:25,625 --> 00:44:28,957 [electricity sparking] 614 00:44:31,541 --> 00:44:33,082 [high-pitched whirring] 615 00:44:33,166 --> 00:44:34,457 [♪ music stops] 616 00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:39,415 - Dude, where're we going? - I don't know. 617 00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:40,957 I think the booth's broke. 618 00:44:41,250 --> 00:44:44,957 We gotta keep going to San Dimas until we get back and get Napoleon. 619 00:44:45,375 --> 00:44:47,290 [bells, sirens] 620 00:44:47,500 --> 00:44:48,707 Behold. 621 00:44:48,958 --> 00:44:51,082 Behold, the Ziggie Pig. 622 00:44:51,291 --> 00:44:54,832 The single greatest ice cream spectacle known to man. 623 00:44:55,041 --> 00:44:57,082 [chanting] Eat the pig. Eat the pig. 624 00:44:57,416 --> 00:44:59,624 Ziggie, Ziggie, Ziggie, Zig! 625 00:45:00,666 --> 00:45:02,915 Whoo-hoo! 626 00:45:03,375 --> 00:45:04,582 [speaking French] 627 00:45:07,625 --> 00:45:10,999 It's ice cream. You eat it. 628 00:45:12,791 --> 00:45:13,749 It's good. 629 00:45:16,250 --> 00:45:17,374 La glacé. 630 00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:19,957 Whatever, just eat it. 631 00:45:23,875 --> 00:45:24,832 Hm... 632 00:45:34,125 --> 00:45:34,707 [burps] 633 00:45:36,666 --> 00:45:40,165 [sirens, cheering] 634 00:45:40,416 --> 00:45:43,374 All behold, he ate the pig. 635 00:45:43,583 --> 00:45:47,540 Thus proving that he is a...Ziggie Piggy, 636 00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:51,415 Ziggie Piggy, Ziggie Piggy. 637 00:45:51,625 --> 00:45:53,374 [oinking] 638 00:46:04,416 --> 00:46:06,082 [whooshing] 639 00:46:06,583 --> 00:46:08,124 What's that? 640 00:46:08,375 --> 00:46:09,832 [electricity sparking] 641 00:46:12,333 --> 00:46:13,540 I don't know. 642 00:46:17,958 --> 00:46:20,207 - [both] Oh, shit! - Whoa! 643 00:46:21,750 --> 00:46:28,249 [whooshing, electricity sparking] 644 00:46:39,125 --> 00:46:41,040 [lightning crackles] 645 00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:42,999 [phone booth thuds] 646 00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:44,832 Where'd we land now? 647 00:46:46,375 --> 00:46:48,415 Dude, it's Sigmund Frood. 648 00:46:48,750 --> 00:46:50,832 How much time have we got left? 649 00:46:51,583 --> 00:46:53,415 Tonnes! Why? 650 00:46:53,666 --> 00:46:55,832 Extra credit, dude! 651 00:46:59,625 --> 00:47:01,124 How's it going, Frood dude? 652 00:47:03,250 --> 00:47:05,082 This must be a dream. 653 00:47:12,166 --> 00:47:14,249 [in English] Let go of me. What are you doing? 654 00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:16,999 [whooshing] 655 00:47:17,125 --> 00:47:21,665 [♪ Beethoven's "Für Elise"] 656 00:47:45,916 --> 00:47:48,582 [whooshing, electricity sparking] 657 00:47:48,791 --> 00:47:49,665 [crash] 658 00:47:53,708 --> 00:47:56,332 [speaking German] 659 00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:58,540 Come on, So-crates. 660 00:47:59,958 --> 00:48:03,082 [lightning crackles] 661 00:48:25,583 --> 00:48:27,499 [speaking French] 662 00:48:27,791 --> 00:48:30,582 [lightning crackles] 663 00:48:30,791 --> 00:48:31,540 [crash] 664 00:48:31,750 --> 00:48:34,374 [♪ rock music] 665 00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:50,457 Welcome aboard, Ms. Joan of Arc. 666 00:48:51,291 --> 00:48:53,915 My name's Ted, and this is Bill. 667 00:48:54,166 --> 00:48:56,207 [lightning crackles] 668 00:49:00,458 --> 00:49:02,540 [♪ rock music continues] 669 00:49:14,125 --> 00:49:16,874 - [lightning crackles] - Oh! 670 00:49:17,500 --> 00:49:18,540 [phone booth thuds] 671 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,540 Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan? 672 00:49:22,791 --> 00:49:24,249 Say "please". 673 00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:27,415 Mm... 674 00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:28,957 Come on, guys! Jump him! 675 00:49:29,083 --> 00:49:32,290 [lightning crackles] 676 00:49:32,583 --> 00:49:34,249 [knocking] 677 00:49:34,458 --> 00:49:35,415 Candygram. 678 00:49:35,541 --> 00:49:37,332 [♪ rock music continues] 679 00:49:46,375 --> 00:49:48,040 Yes, what can I... 680 00:49:52,416 --> 00:49:54,915 [lightning crackles] 681 00:49:55,666 --> 00:49:59,790 We've got plenty of time, but we don't have any more room left. 682 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,040 - Ted, we're outta control. - What? 683 00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:05,832 The next place we stop, we gotta try and figure out what's wrong with the booth. 684 00:50:10,541 --> 00:50:11,832 [electricity sparking] 685 00:50:14,333 --> 00:50:17,957 Bill, I think I got an idea what's wrong. 686 00:50:18,166 --> 00:50:19,249 What? 687 00:50:19,583 --> 00:50:21,957 The antenna's broken. [electricity sparking] 688 00:50:24,166 --> 00:50:27,457 [both screaming] 689 00:50:30,083 --> 00:50:31,707 Yeah! All right. 690 00:51:19,791 --> 00:51:20,249 Shit! 691 00:51:20,250 --> 00:51:20,790 Shit! Shit! 692 00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:21,290 Shit! Shit! Shit! 693 00:51:21,291 --> 00:51:21,832 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 694 00:51:21,833 --> 00:51:22,165 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 695 00:51:22,166 --> 00:51:22,499 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 696 00:51:22,500 --> 00:51:22,790 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 697 00:51:22,791 --> 00:51:23,082 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 698 00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:23,415 Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! 699 00:51:24,875 --> 00:51:25,957 Come on, let's ditch him. 700 00:51:32,333 --> 00:51:34,915 Attendre! Attendre! 701 00:51:39,875 --> 00:51:42,082 Excusez-moi, monsieur! 702 00:51:42,208 --> 00:51:43,874 Hold on there. Not so fast, buddy. 703 00:51:44,208 --> 00:51:47,415 - Buddy? - You ain't paid yet. 704 00:51:47,666 --> 00:51:49,915 - Pay? - Pay. 705 00:51:54,625 --> 00:51:57,124 I don't want to see you around here anymore! Beat it! 706 00:51:57,333 --> 00:51:58,790 [speaking French] 707 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,540 Beat it, buddy! 708 00:52:02,125 --> 00:52:03,332 Idiot! 709 00:52:20,291 --> 00:52:21,249 Deacon! 710 00:52:28,083 --> 00:52:29,415 [animal cries] 711 00:52:31,541 --> 00:52:36,082 Here is a treat to make our minor prehistoric pit stop 712 00:52:36,291 --> 00:52:38,124 a bit more enjoyable. 713 00:52:40,416 --> 00:52:41,374 Thank you. 714 00:52:47,333 --> 00:52:48,124 [metallic snap] 715 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,707 Uh-oh. 716 00:53:09,916 --> 00:53:11,374 Thanks, guys. 717 00:53:15,250 --> 00:53:16,707 I sure hope this works. 718 00:53:28,791 --> 00:53:30,915 [electricity sparking] 719 00:53:31,583 --> 00:53:33,124 I think it's working, dude. 720 00:53:38,250 --> 00:53:41,374 [electricity sparking, whooshing] 721 00:53:46,500 --> 00:53:47,957 Just a little farther... 722 00:53:48,583 --> 00:53:49,749 ...I hope! 723 00:53:54,291 --> 00:53:56,040 [whooshing] 724 00:53:56,791 --> 00:53:59,290 Hey! That's us. 725 00:53:59,541 --> 00:54:00,957 We're back in San Dimas. 726 00:54:01,250 --> 00:54:05,249 Yeah, only now it's not now. It's last night. 727 00:54:05,583 --> 00:54:06,957 - Dude. - What? 728 00:54:07,208 --> 00:54:08,999 Let's go talk to ourselves. 729 00:54:09,208 --> 00:54:10,582 Excellent. 730 00:54:10,833 --> 00:54:12,040 What do we say, anyways? 731 00:54:12,291 --> 00:54:15,332 I don't know. Let's go find out. 732 00:54:16,333 --> 00:54:18,207 Sixty-nine, dudes! 733 00:54:18,583 --> 00:54:20,915 Whoa! 734 00:54:21,750 --> 00:54:23,415 Look dudes, we've gotta go. 735 00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:25,374 Rufus! 736 00:54:26,583 --> 00:54:29,499 Listen to this dude Rufus, he knows what he's talking about. 737 00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:33,999 Right. Oh, and Ted, give my love to the princesses. 738 00:54:34,916 --> 00:54:37,540 - Who? - You'll see. 739 00:54:38,958 --> 00:54:41,249 Gentlemen, is everything all right? 740 00:54:41,500 --> 00:54:44,749 Yeah, except how come the number we dialled for San Dimas 741 00:54:44,916 --> 00:54:47,540 brought us here instead of to tomorrow, Rufus? 742 00:54:47,750 --> 00:54:50,707 Because in San Dimas it is tomorrow, William. 743 00:54:50,916 --> 00:54:53,207 You have to dial one number higher. 744 00:54:54,416 --> 00:54:56,874 Oh, yeah. Thanks, Rufus. 745 00:54:57,125 --> 00:54:59,499 And you better hurry, because you don't have much time. 746 00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:02,665 What do you mean, Rufus? We got ten hours left. 747 00:55:03,583 --> 00:55:06,124 - You got two hours. - Huh? 748 00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:08,874 Ted, you forgot to wind your watch again. 749 00:55:09,125 --> 00:55:11,249 Even after you reminded yourself not to. 750 00:55:11,458 --> 00:55:13,374 Well, I better remind myself again. 751 00:55:13,583 --> 00:55:16,665 Ted, don't forget to wind your watch! 752 00:55:17,833 --> 00:55:19,707 Thanks, Rufus. 753 00:55:22,083 --> 00:55:23,624 Catch ya later, Bill and Ted. 754 00:55:25,625 --> 00:55:27,624 [Ted] That conversation made more sense this time. 755 00:55:27,708 --> 00:55:30,790 - Watch the gonads, dude. - You're too tall, man. 756 00:55:32,125 --> 00:55:35,249 [electricity sparking, whooshing] 757 00:55:38,041 --> 00:55:40,124 [Missy humming] 758 00:55:41,750 --> 00:55:42,707 [electricity sparking, whooshing] 759 00:55:42,958 --> 00:55:45,207 - Great, we made it! - Huh? 760 00:55:45,541 --> 00:55:46,415 Whoa! 761 00:55:46,583 --> 00:55:49,290 [Billy the Kid] Who's the señorita? She's cute. 762 00:55:49,375 --> 00:55:51,457 [Ted] It's his mom, dude. 763 00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:58,624 - Hi, guys. - Hi, Missy. I mean Mom. 764 00:55:58,875 --> 00:56:03,249 Uh, Ms. Preston, we'd like you to meet some of our friends. 765 00:56:03,583 --> 00:56:06,874 Yeah, this is, uh, Dave Beeth-oven. 766 00:56:07,125 --> 00:56:08,832 Ah. [speaking German] 767 00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:13,374 And, uh... Maxine of Arc. Missy. 768 00:56:14,250 --> 00:56:15,832 Herman the Kid. 769 00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:17,915 Bob Genghis Khan. 770 00:56:19,041 --> 00:56:21,332 - So-crates Johnson. - Hi. 771 00:56:21,541 --> 00:56:24,624 Dennis Frood and, uh... 772 00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,124 ...Abraham Lincoln. 773 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,249 Well, it's nice to meet you all. 774 00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:33,999 There's sodas in the fridge. 775 00:56:35,916 --> 00:56:37,665 Mom, can you give us a ride someplace? 776 00:56:37,875 --> 00:56:40,999 Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere until you do your chores. 777 00:56:44,208 --> 00:56:46,624 [♪ Rossini's "William Tell Overture"] 778 00:56:55,833 --> 00:56:58,374 [glass squeaks] 779 00:57:17,583 --> 00:57:18,999 Done! 780 00:57:20,916 --> 00:57:23,165 This is the San Dimas mall. 781 00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:26,457 And this is where people of today's world hang out. 782 00:57:27,708 --> 00:57:29,957 All right, everybody, watch your step getting off. 783 00:57:30,166 --> 00:57:32,707 Beeth-oven, make sure you don't get sucked under. 784 00:57:35,625 --> 00:57:38,207 Everybody get together, remember who your buddy is. 785 00:57:39,625 --> 00:57:41,874 So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude. 786 00:57:45,291 --> 00:57:48,582 OK, follow me. 787 00:57:48,958 --> 00:57:52,082 You've got your Broadway down here, and got your Sears over here. 788 00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:54,999 The stratification of our society 789 00:57:55,250 --> 00:57:57,207 is much like Marie Antoinette's. 790 00:57:57,458 --> 00:57:59,874 The few possess much, while the masses 791 00:58:00,125 --> 00:58:02,290 possess little but their television sets. 792 00:58:02,541 --> 00:58:04,790 This dichotomy led to a revolution 793 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:07,707 in which Antoinette and her husband were beheaded. 794 00:58:07,916 --> 00:58:10,582 Today, leaders are impeached rather than beheaded. 795 00:58:11,750 --> 00:58:15,874 Still, while in her day, Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake", 796 00:58:16,125 --> 00:58:18,832 perhaps today she would say, "Let them eat fast food". 797 00:58:19,541 --> 00:58:21,790 [applause] 798 00:58:25,458 --> 00:58:28,749 - Enjoy. - OK, look around, see what you think. 799 00:58:29,083 --> 00:58:31,665 We'll be back as soon as we find Napoleon. OK? 800 00:58:31,958 --> 00:58:34,499 Come on, dude, we don't got much time. 801 00:58:35,291 --> 00:58:37,040 Yes, but what... what do we... 802 00:58:37,666 --> 00:58:39,415 You ditched Napoleon?! 803 00:58:39,625 --> 00:58:43,124 Deacon, do you realise you've stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders 804 00:58:43,416 --> 00:58:45,374 - in San Dimas? - He was a dick. 805 00:58:48,666 --> 00:58:51,249 Well... how are we gonna find him? 806 00:58:54,750 --> 00:58:59,790 OK, wait, if we were one of the greatest generals in history, 807 00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:05,707 and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would we go? 808 00:59:09,333 --> 00:59:11,082 Waterloop! 809 00:59:11,375 --> 00:59:13,249 [♪ Vital Signs: The Boys And Girls Are Doing It"] 810 00:59:23,916 --> 00:59:25,707 Eleven children, please. 811 00:59:25,916 --> 00:59:27,540 Are you OK? 812 00:59:39,208 --> 00:59:40,415 Mon dieu! 813 00:59:40,791 --> 00:59:41,874 [screaming] 814 00:59:44,875 --> 00:59:48,332 [♪ rock song fades to foreboding music] 815 01:00:00,166 --> 01:00:01,832 Buddy, you're holding up the line! 816 01:00:06,333 --> 01:00:07,415 Sacre bleu! 817 01:00:07,666 --> 01:00:08,749 Come on, buddy! 818 01:00:09,083 --> 01:00:10,665 [♪ song resumes] 819 01:00:10,750 --> 01:00:12,124 [yells] 820 01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,040 [yells] 821 01:01:19,500 --> 01:01:22,624 [dialogue inaudible] 822 01:01:33,208 --> 01:01:36,249 Come on, Napoleon. Everybody's waiting for us. 823 01:01:36,458 --> 01:01:39,124 - No, no, no! - Yes, yes, yes! 824 01:01:42,708 --> 01:01:46,874 Why be soft and flabby when you can be firm and trim? 825 01:01:47,125 --> 01:01:50,499 When you can have a body that cries out, "Look at me, admire me". 826 01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:53,582 With our specialised weight training and aerobics programme, 827 01:01:53,833 --> 01:01:57,457 we can help you attain the kind of body you've only dreamed of having. 828 01:01:57,708 --> 01:02:00,749 All right, let's go ladies! 829 01:02:01,083 --> 01:02:03,540 You guys are looking great! 830 01:02:03,791 --> 01:02:07,707 OK, jumping jacks. Jump! Jump! 831 01:02:12,875 --> 01:02:14,415 You a musician? 832 01:02:17,166 --> 01:02:19,249 Well here, try this. 833 01:02:20,625 --> 01:02:23,374 [♪ electronic piano melody] 834 01:02:42,916 --> 01:02:44,790 What is...? 835 01:02:46,125 --> 01:02:48,374 What are they doing? 836 01:02:49,125 --> 01:02:50,832 Look at his sandals. Ooh! 837 01:02:52,416 --> 01:02:54,624 - I don't know. - He's creepy. 838 01:02:54,916 --> 01:02:57,332 - Weird, huh? - Oh, they're coming over. 839 01:03:00,625 --> 01:03:05,582 Hi. I'm Billy, this here is So-crates. 840 01:03:05,833 --> 01:03:07,999 - Socrates. - We're from history. 841 01:03:11,416 --> 01:03:15,415 Hello, I'm Dr. Freud. But you may call me Siggy. 842 01:03:15,750 --> 01:03:17,707 Oh, my God! 843 01:03:18,916 --> 01:03:23,124 You both seem to be suffering from a mild form of hysteria. 844 01:03:24,083 --> 01:03:26,249 You are such a geek. 845 01:03:29,750 --> 01:03:31,582 Way to go, egghead. 846 01:03:33,458 --> 01:03:36,957 - Geek! - What is a "geek"? 847 01:03:39,791 --> 01:03:40,874 Huh... 848 01:03:42,125 --> 01:03:43,540 Oh... 849 01:03:46,583 --> 01:03:47,957 Oh. 850 01:04:00,458 --> 01:04:01,790 [screams] 851 01:04:03,291 --> 01:04:04,999 [buzzer sounds] 852 01:04:05,083 --> 01:04:06,832 [screaming, crashing] 853 01:04:09,583 --> 01:04:11,457 I need some help. I've got a live one here. 854 01:04:15,708 --> 01:04:16,749 - OK... - Thank you. 855 01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:18,749 ...I need the Lincoln hat and the stupid beard back. 856 01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:22,790 You don't understand. I'm Abraham Lincoln. 857 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,665 Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha. 858 01:04:24,750 --> 01:04:25,915 Now, come on, mister... 859 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,582 This is my hat and my beard! 860 01:04:28,791 --> 01:04:32,582 [♪ Mozart's "Sonata #11" played on electric guitar] 861 01:04:37,125 --> 01:04:39,249 Keep it up! You're looking great! 862 01:04:54,458 --> 01:04:56,915 Yaahh! 863 01:04:58,416 --> 01:04:59,790 Hey! That crazy there! 864 01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,624 - Son, hold it right there. - Get that guy off there. 865 01:05:02,125 --> 01:05:03,040 Oh! 866 01:05:06,375 --> 01:05:07,915 Stop him! 867 01:05:12,375 --> 01:05:13,332 Yee-haw! 868 01:05:13,416 --> 01:05:14,415 [gunshot] 869 01:05:14,708 --> 01:05:15,415 Ya-ha! 870 01:05:15,500 --> 01:05:16,665 [water pistol squirting] 871 01:05:20,833 --> 01:05:22,832 - No, Sig, over here. - Sorry, miss. 872 01:05:23,083 --> 01:05:23,957 Excuse me, miss. 873 01:05:24,250 --> 01:05:26,665 - Move, move. - Pardon me. 874 01:05:27,833 --> 01:05:29,165 Oh, no. 875 01:05:29,458 --> 01:05:31,082 I demand a lawyer. 876 01:05:31,291 --> 01:05:33,124 Don't get smart with me, buddy. Let's go. 877 01:05:49,625 --> 01:05:51,082 Hey, there they are! 878 01:05:57,666 --> 01:05:59,749 Ah! 879 01:05:59,916 --> 01:06:01,915 All right, come on, Grandpa. 880 01:06:06,458 --> 01:06:07,790 Bogus! 881 01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:12,124 That's enough. 882 01:06:20,916 --> 01:06:23,082 Mom, can't you go any faster? 883 01:06:38,791 --> 01:06:42,415 I want to know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud. 884 01:06:42,750 --> 01:06:45,165 Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud? 885 01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:48,082 Why do you keep asking me these questions? 886 01:06:49,166 --> 01:06:50,707 Tell me about your mother. 887 01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:54,290 - Oh, God. - Would you like a couch to lie on? 888 01:06:54,541 --> 01:06:56,499 No, I don't want a couch to lie on. 889 01:07:03,958 --> 01:07:05,499 All right, what's your name? 890 01:07:05,750 --> 01:07:07,040 Abraham Lincoln. 891 01:07:07,333 --> 01:07:10,707 That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N. 892 01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,165 I know how to spell Lincoln. 893 01:07:15,958 --> 01:07:17,832 What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln? 894 01:07:18,125 --> 01:07:21,915 February 12th, 1809. 895 01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,040 Everything is different, but the same. 896 01:07:28,250 --> 01:07:32,165 Things are more... moderner than before, 897 01:07:32,416 --> 01:07:34,457 bigger... 898 01:07:34,541 --> 01:07:36,582 and yet smaller. 899 01:07:40,791 --> 01:07:42,124 It's computers. 900 01:07:49,666 --> 01:07:51,665 San Dimas High School football rules! 901 01:07:51,875 --> 01:07:53,874 [cheering] 902 01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:08,874 I can't believe my dad arrested them all. 903 01:08:10,583 --> 01:08:11,915 What are we gonna do? 904 01:08:12,250 --> 01:08:15,207 OK, Ted, you go in and talk to your dad. I'm gonna scope the place out. 905 01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:18,999 Missy, I mean Mom, please keep an eye on Napoleon. 906 01:08:21,583 --> 01:08:22,540 Stay! 907 01:08:27,458 --> 01:08:29,415 All right, lock him up with the rest of those wackos. 908 01:08:29,500 --> 01:08:31,457 - I am a lawyer, you know... - Dad! 909 01:08:31,625 --> 01:08:34,249 - You pack your bags, Ted. - What? 910 01:08:34,583 --> 01:08:35,540 You're going to military school, Ted. 911 01:08:35,875 --> 01:08:37,415 - But, Dad... - No, I don't want to hear it, Ted. 912 01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:39,249 - But... - Ted, you go home 913 01:08:39,458 --> 01:08:41,332 and you pack your bags, now! 914 01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,540 - How'd it go? - Bad. 915 01:08:50,791 --> 01:08:54,415 Our historical figures are all locked up and my dad won't let them out. 916 01:08:55,541 --> 01:08:56,874 Can we get your dad's keys? 917 01:08:57,125 --> 01:08:59,915 I could steal them, but he lost them two days ago. 918 01:09:00,166 --> 01:09:04,040 If only we could go back in time to when he had them and steal them then. 919 01:09:05,041 --> 01:09:07,415 Well, why can't we? 920 01:09:07,625 --> 01:09:08,874 'Cause we don't got time. 921 01:09:09,166 --> 01:09:11,165 We could do it after the report. 922 01:09:12,083 --> 01:09:13,790 Ted, good thinking, dude! 923 01:09:14,041 --> 01:09:16,624 After the report, we'll time travel back to two days ago, 924 01:09:16,875 --> 01:09:19,249 steal your dad's keys, and leave them here. 925 01:09:19,458 --> 01:09:21,082 - Where? - I don't know. 926 01:09:21,291 --> 01:09:23,374 How about behind that sign? 927 01:09:23,583 --> 01:09:26,790 That way, when we get here now, they'll be waiting for us. 928 01:09:29,125 --> 01:09:31,415 - See? - Whoa! Yeah! 929 01:09:31,666 --> 01:09:35,707 So, after the report we can't forget to do this, otherwise it won't happen. 930 01:09:35,916 --> 01:09:39,749 But it did happen! Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys! 931 01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:41,874 Exactly, Ted. Come on. 932 01:09:45,708 --> 01:09:46,832 - Mom? - Yes? 933 01:09:47,125 --> 01:09:48,999 Can you please bring the car around back? 934 01:09:49,208 --> 01:09:49,999 Sure. 935 01:09:51,625 --> 01:09:55,707 Come on, Ted. We've got some historical figures to rescue. 936 01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:56,915 Over and out. 937 01:10:13,541 --> 01:10:15,499 How are we gonna get past my dad? 938 01:10:17,083 --> 01:10:18,999 You got a tape recorder at home? 939 01:10:19,208 --> 01:10:21,499 - Yeah. - OK. 940 01:10:22,416 --> 01:10:24,415 - Remember to get the tape recorder. - Yeah. 941 01:10:24,625 --> 01:10:29,040 Set a timer on it for, uh...2:13. 942 01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:31,124 - Got it? - Got it! 943 01:10:33,833 --> 01:10:35,540 What am I gonna say on it? 944 01:10:35,791 --> 01:10:38,665 [Ted on tape recorder] Dad! Hey, Dad! 945 01:10:38,958 --> 01:10:40,957 It's you, dude. 946 01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:46,499 Ted? 947 01:10:46,708 --> 01:10:47,957 [tape recorder] I'm over here. 948 01:10:50,250 --> 01:10:52,582 Yeah, this way. 949 01:10:53,750 --> 01:10:54,665 [♪ guitar noodling] 950 01:11:14,416 --> 01:11:16,207 Whoa. Check it out. 951 01:11:18,291 --> 01:11:21,415 "Dear Bill and Ted, good luck on the report. 952 01:11:21,583 --> 01:11:26,124 "Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan." 953 01:11:26,333 --> 01:11:27,707 That was nice of us. 954 01:11:27,958 --> 01:11:31,082 "P.S. Duck!" 955 01:11:36,750 --> 01:11:38,457 - Excellent work, dude. - Way to go! 956 01:11:38,708 --> 01:11:39,790 Come on. 957 01:11:50,625 --> 01:11:51,832 Shh! 958 01:11:52,875 --> 01:11:56,207 Great people, time is of the essence. 959 01:11:56,458 --> 01:11:59,415 May I ask that you all work together so that we can get down to the car. 960 01:11:59,666 --> 01:12:01,582 Very quiet now. Quiet. 961 01:12:03,541 --> 01:12:06,332 Against the wall. Single file. 962 01:12:07,125 --> 01:12:09,249 - Hurry up, Billy. - How do we get out of here? 963 01:12:10,416 --> 01:12:12,249 [Ted on tape recorder] Over here, Dad. 964 01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:13,540 Down here! 965 01:12:13,791 --> 01:12:15,832 [Bill] Way to go, dude. We stalled him. 966 01:12:16,041 --> 01:12:17,707 [Ted] What else do I say? 967 01:12:17,958 --> 01:12:20,665 [Bill] And now, opening for Iron Maiden... 968 01:12:20,916 --> 01:12:23,374 ...Wyld Stallyns! 969 01:12:26,583 --> 01:12:29,249 - Come on, Bill, put your back into it. - Ted? 970 01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:31,582 What in the hell do you think you're doing? 971 01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:35,040 Trash can. Remember a trash can! 972 01:12:35,291 --> 01:12:36,874 Trash can? What are you talking about? 973 01:12:37,166 --> 01:12:40,165 - Get this thing off me, Ted! - Sorry, Dad, 974 01:12:40,416 --> 01:12:42,707 but we've got to go pass our history report. 975 01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:46,249 - Oh, by the way, I found your keys. - Ted! 976 01:12:46,500 --> 01:12:49,415 Ted, where are you? Get this off me! Ted! 977 01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:58,874 In conclusion, I think Abraham Lincoln 978 01:12:59,125 --> 01:13:02,165 would be most impressed with the world of San Dimas. 979 01:13:02,500 --> 01:13:06,415 I know I am. 980 01:13:06,583 --> 01:13:08,374 [applause] 981 01:13:14,291 --> 01:13:18,082 - Down the hall, to the left. - Quiet. 982 01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:23,790 And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward and Mrs. Rowe when I say 983 01:13:24,041 --> 01:13:26,415 that your reports were very entertaining 984 01:13:26,583 --> 01:13:28,665 and very informative for all of us. 985 01:13:29,583 --> 01:13:33,999 So, it seems we may be one report short today, so we'll leave just a bit early. 986 01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:36,582 [applause, excited murmuring] 987 01:13:36,833 --> 01:13:39,874 But once again, I want to thank you all for your very hard work... 988 01:13:41,875 --> 01:13:43,540 Hey, who turned out the lights? 989 01:13:46,750 --> 01:13:48,915 [Bill's voice over speaker] Hello, San Dimas. 990 01:13:49,250 --> 01:13:53,582 Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, 991 01:13:53,916 --> 01:13:55,457 from all throughout history, 992 01:13:55,708 --> 01:13:58,749 some of the greatest people who have ever lived, 993 01:13:59,083 --> 01:14:03,499 in their 1988 World Tour! 994 01:14:03,708 --> 01:14:05,499 [♪ rock music] 995 01:14:11,541 --> 01:14:14,707 How's it going? I'm Billy the Kid. 996 01:14:28,208 --> 01:14:30,957 I'd like y'all to put your hands together. 997 01:14:37,708 --> 01:14:40,749 And now, my good friends, 998 01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:44,665 Bill S. Preston, Esquire, 999 01:14:44,875 --> 01:14:48,707 and Ted "Theodore" Logan! Yee-haw! 1000 01:14:49,041 --> 01:14:51,124 Thank you! Thank you! 1001 01:14:51,875 --> 01:14:54,540 Hello, San Dimas High! 1002 01:14:54,791 --> 01:15:00,582 Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished classmates, teachers, babes. 1003 01:15:01,375 --> 01:15:03,165 Our first speaker was born 1004 01:15:03,416 --> 01:15:06,707 - in the year 470 B.C. - Hi, long time no see. 1005 01:15:07,083 --> 01:15:09,040 A time when much of the world 1006 01:15:09,291 --> 01:15:12,540 looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album "Houses of the Holy". 1007 01:15:12,875 --> 01:15:14,249 We were there. 1008 01:15:14,500 --> 01:15:18,249 There were many steps and columns. It was most tranquil. 1009 01:15:18,458 --> 01:15:22,165 He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought. 1010 01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:26,249 He was the teacher of Plato, who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle. 1011 01:15:26,458 --> 01:15:31,874 And, like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young. 1012 01:15:32,125 --> 01:15:35,040 And since he doesn't speak English, my friend Ted here, 1013 01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:37,040 is going to interpret for him. 1014 01:15:37,291 --> 01:15:39,999 So please welcome, to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas, 1015 01:15:40,250 --> 01:15:43,832 the most bodacious philosophiser in Ancient Greece... 1016 01:15:44,500 --> 01:15:46,082 ...Socrates! 1017 01:15:48,875 --> 01:15:51,957 ...is totally out of control. And I think I got a pretty good idea where he gets it from. 1018 01:15:52,166 --> 01:15:55,040 I mean if you and that wife of yours would show a little discipline 1019 01:15:55,291 --> 01:15:57,165 maybe your son wouldn't be such a bad influence. 1020 01:15:57,416 --> 01:15:59,124 Oh, is discipline your key to the success with Ted? 1021 01:15:59,375 --> 01:16:02,040 Yes, it is! He's going to an Alaskan military school! 1022 01:16:02,333 --> 01:16:05,540 He loves you best... 1023 01:16:08,125 --> 01:16:09,749 ...in all the world. 1024 01:16:10,750 --> 01:16:12,082 What are they doing up there? 1025 01:16:13,708 --> 01:16:14,749 He also loves... 1026 01:16:16,250 --> 01:16:17,540 ...baseball! 1027 01:16:18,583 --> 01:16:22,207 [Freud] Therefore, Ted's father's own fear of failure 1028 01:16:22,458 --> 01:16:24,540 has caused him to make his son 1029 01:16:24,750 --> 01:16:27,040 the embodiment of all of his own 1030 01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:31,499 deepest anxieties about himself. 1031 01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:36,540 And, hence, his aggression transference onto Ted. 1032 01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:41,999 - Whoa! - OK, Ted? 1033 01:16:44,291 --> 01:16:47,290 Yes, thank you very much, Sigmund Freud. 1034 01:16:48,791 --> 01:16:50,040 Hm? 1035 01:16:51,166 --> 01:16:53,915 Nah, just got a minor Oedipal complex. 1036 01:16:56,208 --> 01:16:58,665 It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you 1037 01:16:58,916 --> 01:17:04,124 a gentleman we picked up in Medieval Mongolia in the year 1269. 1038 01:17:04,416 --> 01:17:07,707 Please welcome the very excellent barbarian... 1039 01:17:07,958 --> 01:17:10,499 ...Mr. Genghis Khan. 1040 01:17:10,708 --> 01:17:12,457 [applause] 1041 01:17:13,875 --> 01:17:19,124 This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China. 1042 01:17:19,375 --> 01:17:21,207 And who we are told, two hours ago, 1043 01:17:21,416 --> 01:17:23,999 totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods. 1044 01:17:26,458 --> 01:17:29,999 A most bodacious soldier, and general, 1045 01:17:30,250 --> 01:17:33,832 Miss Of Arc totally rousted the English from France. 1046 01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:37,540 And then she turned this dude, Dauphin, into a king, 1047 01:17:37,750 --> 01:17:40,374 and all this by the time she was 17. 1048 01:17:41,666 --> 01:17:43,207 [speaking French] 1049 01:17:50,458 --> 01:17:52,249 ...waterslide. 1050 01:17:53,416 --> 01:17:56,624 The music of Ludwig van Beethoven. 1051 01:18:00,166 --> 01:18:02,832 As you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies 1052 01:18:03,041 --> 01:18:05,040 because of the excellent sugar rush. 1053 01:18:05,333 --> 01:18:08,124 He also loves billiards. 1054 01:18:10,458 --> 01:18:13,665 Beethoven's favourite works include Mozart's "Requiem", 1055 01:18:13,916 --> 01:18:18,165 Handel's "Messiah", and Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet". 1056 01:18:18,458 --> 01:18:20,707 To improve on the condition of her armies, 1057 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:25,040 Joan of Arc plans on instituting a full scale aerobics programme 1058 01:18:25,291 --> 01:18:27,040 on her return to France. 1059 01:18:27,375 --> 01:18:29,249 I don't think it's gonna work. 1060 01:18:29,916 --> 01:18:30,874 No? 1061 01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:35,290 Triomphe, Napoleon. 1062 01:18:42,208 --> 01:18:43,415 He loves... 1063 01:18:45,125 --> 01:18:47,249 He loves San Dimas. 1064 01:18:47,458 --> 01:18:49,249 [applause, cheering] 1065 01:18:56,791 --> 01:18:59,415 And now, for our last speaker. 1066 01:19:00,791 --> 01:19:05,540 One of the greatest presidents in American history... 1067 01:19:06,541 --> 01:19:10,415 ...Mr. Abraham Lincoln. 1068 01:19:10,625 --> 01:19:13,790 [cheering] 1069 01:19:30,625 --> 01:19:34,124 - [♪ "America the Beautiful"] - Four score and... 1070 01:19:34,791 --> 01:19:36,749 ...seven minutes ago, 1071 01:19:37,083 --> 01:19:41,249 we, your forefathers, 1072 01:19:41,500 --> 01:19:46,457 were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure. 1073 01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:51,665 Conceived by our new friends... 1074 01:19:52,916 --> 01:19:54,249 ...Bill... 1075 01:19:56,250 --> 01:19:57,665 ...and Ted. 1076 01:19:59,583 --> 01:20:03,124 These two great gentlemen 1077 01:20:03,291 --> 01:20:06,624 are dedicated to a proposition 1078 01:20:06,875 --> 01:20:09,165 which was true in my time, 1079 01:20:09,416 --> 01:20:12,499 just as it's true today. 1080 01:20:16,125 --> 01:20:19,874 Be excellent to each other... 1081 01:20:21,708 --> 01:20:23,790 ...and... 1082 01:20:24,375 --> 01:20:26,457 Party on, dudes! 1083 01:20:26,750 --> 01:20:29,415 [wild cheering] 1084 01:20:34,916 --> 01:20:36,499 - No... - Way! 1085 01:20:46,958 --> 01:20:49,999 Thank you, San Dimas High! 1086 01:20:50,291 --> 01:20:51,999 [♪ rock music] 1087 01:21:00,666 --> 01:21:05,999 [electricity sparking] 1088 01:21:17,625 --> 01:21:21,999 [chanting] We want more! We want more! 1089 01:21:25,875 --> 01:21:28,374 [guitar noise] 1090 01:21:28,791 --> 01:21:30,207 Intro. 1091 01:21:30,458 --> 01:21:33,415 I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 1092 01:21:33,625 --> 01:21:35,374 [guitar feedback] 1093 01:21:43,708 --> 01:21:46,124 - Bill? - What's up, Ted? 1094 01:21:48,208 --> 01:21:49,457 Well... 1095 01:21:50,500 --> 01:21:52,665 we travelled through time. 1096 01:21:52,750 --> 01:21:55,374 I mean, we met lots of great leaders, 1097 01:21:55,625 --> 01:21:58,374 and we got an A-plus on our history report... 1098 01:21:59,541 --> 01:22:02,957 ...but look at us, nothing's different. 1099 01:22:05,625 --> 01:22:07,249 Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen. 1100 01:22:09,208 --> 01:22:11,457 Maybe we should start learning how to play. 1101 01:22:13,083 --> 01:22:14,415 Maybe you're right, Ted. 1102 01:22:17,208 --> 01:22:20,624 [electricity sparking, whooshing] 1103 01:22:29,916 --> 01:22:33,124 Hello, again, my excellent friends. 1104 01:22:33,958 --> 01:22:34,915 Whoa! 1105 01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:38,249 Congratulations on passing your history report. 1106 01:22:39,291 --> 01:22:40,290 Rufus. 1107 01:22:40,541 --> 01:22:42,040 The babes! 1108 01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:44,374 We looked all over England for you. 1109 01:22:44,666 --> 01:22:47,249 Where'd you get those savoury clothes? 1110 01:22:48,291 --> 01:22:51,415 Rufus introduced us to a place called the mall. 1111 01:22:51,583 --> 01:22:54,249 And something called credit cards. 1112 01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:57,665 I got them out of England just before they had to marry 1113 01:22:57,875 --> 01:22:59,749 those royal ugly dudes. 1114 01:23:00,041 --> 01:23:01,707 Way to go, Rufus. 1115 01:23:11,500 --> 01:23:13,540 How can we ever thank you, Rufus? 1116 01:23:13,791 --> 01:23:17,415 Well, you can start by signing this for my kids. 1117 01:23:18,333 --> 01:23:19,540 Why? 1118 01:23:19,791 --> 01:23:21,540 They're big fans of yours. 1119 01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:24,040 - What? - Everyone is. 1120 01:23:24,333 --> 01:23:28,874 Wyld Stallyns' music has become the foundation of our whole society. 1121 01:23:30,833 --> 01:23:32,249 No way. 1122 01:23:32,583 --> 01:23:34,249 Yes way. 1123 01:23:34,500 --> 01:23:37,040 In fact, I believe you were there. 1124 01:23:37,333 --> 01:23:39,832 That futuristic place with the domes? 1125 01:23:40,041 --> 01:23:43,499 And the totally excellent music. 1126 01:23:43,791 --> 01:23:45,582 They totally worshipped us there, Rufus. 1127 01:23:45,916 --> 01:23:46,957 I know. 1128 01:23:47,208 --> 01:23:50,749 That's why I was sent to make sure you passed your history report. 1129 01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:55,249 If you guys were separated, it would have been disastrous for life as we know it. 1130 01:23:55,583 --> 01:24:01,124 You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. 1131 01:24:01,416 --> 01:24:04,874 It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony, 1132 01:24:05,125 --> 01:24:07,999 allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life, 1133 01:24:08,291 --> 01:24:13,165 from extraterrestrial beings to common household pets. 1134 01:24:13,333 --> 01:24:14,707 And... 1135 01:24:14,833 --> 01:24:17,707 it's excellent for dancing. 1136 01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:21,124 Whoa. 1137 01:24:21,333 --> 01:24:23,790 Why don't you have the ladies sign as well, would you please? 1138 01:24:24,041 --> 01:24:26,874 - After all, they are in the band. - They are? 1139 01:24:27,125 --> 01:24:29,749 - Excellent. - Excellent. 1140 01:24:29,916 --> 01:24:32,040 Where are you going, Rufus? 1141 01:24:33,208 --> 01:24:35,082 I got a surprise for you. 1142 01:24:44,166 --> 01:24:46,415 Here. 1143 01:24:46,583 --> 01:24:48,707 That's to help you as you start your new band. 1144 01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,499 Thanks, Rufus. 1145 01:24:50,750 --> 01:24:54,540 Now I just have one further humble request. 1146 01:24:54,750 --> 01:24:58,207 If I might be so honoured to jam with you? 1147 01:24:59,291 --> 01:25:02,999 - Do you know how to play, Rufus? - Well, I play a little. 1148 01:25:05,625 --> 01:25:08,957 [♪ guitar shredding] 1149 01:25:22,833 --> 01:25:24,915 Whoa! 1150 01:25:26,583 --> 01:25:28,832 Most outstanding, Rufus. 1151 01:25:29,083 --> 01:25:30,249 Let's jam. 1152 01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:32,165 [♪ uptempo drum beat] 1153 01:25:38,583 --> 01:25:40,957 - Bill, my friend? - Yes, Ted, my friend? 1154 01:25:41,166 --> 01:25:43,790 This has been a most excellent adventure. 1155 01:25:45,166 --> 01:25:46,124 - One... - Two... 1156 01:25:46,375 --> 01:25:47,915 One, two, three, four! 1157 01:25:48,125 --> 01:25:49,874 [band noise] 1158 01:25:55,291 --> 01:25:56,540 They do get better. 1159 01:25:57,500 --> 01:26:00,665 [♪ Power Tool: "Two Heads Are Better Than One"]